IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, men plays an essential role in earning the major finance in their family. What extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
In today's world,
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 can not fulfil the
dresires
Correct your spelling
desires
 because
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of living has surged drastically
due to
Linking Words
 inflation. But
this
Linking Words
 makes it a topic of debate where some people would argue that
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 are the backbone of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 condition of the
househole
Correct your spelling
household
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 disagree and believe
both
Use synonyms
 play
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 in stability. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
disagree with the statement and believe that women make
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 contribution to
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 a house.
Body · 1
Traditionally, males
were playing
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 a
role
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 supporting a family financially and
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 food to the table.
Whereas
Linking Words
 females were taking care of any kind
household
Change preposition
of household
show examples
 work like knitting, cooking and looking after the kids. But after
18th
Correct article usage
the 18th
show examples
 century, an ideas of putting women in
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
 came
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it sparked a huge unsettledness in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Even after all the chaos, ladies
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to work and stood for their rights. Later it turned out
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 a good initiative when
families
Check wording
families'
show examples
 conditions
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
started getting better with extra
income
Use synonyms
. In Europe only, 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the population came out of poverty and started living a better life.
Then
Linking Words
 after the
oher
Correct your spelling
other
 parts of the world start following the same by breaking out a taboo of gender roles and accepting the fact that
both
Use synonyms
 genders can contrubute in welfare of the family and
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
 economy.
Body · 2
In the modern era, things have gone
more far
Rephrase
further
show examples
 where
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of females
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 playing various important
Use synonyms
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work,
sports
Change preposition
in sports
show examples
 and in politics as well. They are sitting
at the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 higher positions like CEOs,
mangers
Correct your spelling
managers
,
cheif
Correct your spelling
chief
 executives and
as
Verb problem
are as
show examples
 productive as men. In
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 survey, they found out that girls are generating and earning more
income
Use synonyms
 than boys.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 can put alot strains and burden on a person regardless of gender,
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 time of inflation. An average
income
Use synonyms
 of an individual in America is $45000 a year
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 expenditure of a family is roughly around $60000 a year. So there is no way
this
Linking Words
 society is running on a sole salary.
Both
Use synonyms
 men and women are working very hard to have a decent living.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
both
Use synonyms
 genders play a very critical
role
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 world. There might be biological advantages and disadvantages
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 the final goal is the same for all
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 to provide for the family. People should give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal
credits
Check wording
credit
show examples
 to all ladies who are giving their best in
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
persomal
Correct your spelling
personal
 and professional lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you disagree and that both men and women earn money for the family.
task response
Keep your main idea the same in all body paragraphs. Do not move too much from family finance to very wide ideas about society.
task response
Use examples that are clear and easy to trust. Some numbers in the essay may seem unsure, so explain them more simply or use one strong example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example, short end sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Good simple words are first, also, for example, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences so your ideas are easier to read.
task response
You gave a clear opinion and stayed mostly on one side of the argument.
task response
You included examples about history, work, and cost of living to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow from past to present and then to the ending.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: