IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Introduction
These days, in some
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 individuals are worried about
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 health who suffer from the over obesity.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss causes,
such
Linking Words
 as eating junk food and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle, and
also
Linking Words
 suggest solutions, including
habit
Correct article usage
the habit
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 of eating healthy foods and increasing physical activities.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
although
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 most children prefer eating unhealthy and
ready to eat
Correct your spelling
ready-to-eat
 foods, these problems can be solved by doing regular
exercises
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exercise
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 and eating healthy
.
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foods.
show examples

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coherence cohesion
Write body paragraphs. You need one paragraph for causes and one paragraph for solutions.
task achievement
Answer all parts fully. Now you only list ideas, but you do not explain them.
task achievement
Add simple examples, like too much fast food, soft drinks, screen time, and school sports.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like first, also, because, so, and as a result.
coherence cohesion
Make each main point clear, then support it with one reason or one example.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a short conclusion.
task achievement
You mention both causes and solutions, so your answer is on topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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