IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

some country pay extremely high salaries for people. Some people believe that the country must not do that and make a limit for the salaries. Do you agree or disagree.

#country #salaries #people #limit
It is thought by some people that employees have to be paid high salaries by the country
while
 others might believe that it is better to control the limitation of their incomes. In my opinion, I slightly agree with
this
 aspect and reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that paying a large sum of salaries is what the country should do because of the scope of their
work
. To elaborate
further
, many citizens finish their tough jobs and complete them by putting in tremendous efforts but they obtain only a small amount of payments.
Moreover
, some of their jobs are related to the lives of people which need way more responsibilities.
For instance
, my friend who working as a civil engineer and his primary responsibility is designing infrastructures
such
 as public facilities, bridges, etc. If he miscalculates designation ,it leads to an uncountable number of deaths and he might take sentences.
However
, he has only got a small payment which is obviously less than his efforts and risks his life for the job.
Additionally
,
money
 is something that can incentivise individuals to
work
. What
this
 means is by paying extremely, people are motivated and encouraged to complete their tasks.
Furthermore
, giving
money
 can be considered as a reward to workers and improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employee recognition.
For example
, one of the companies in Thailand not only gives a bonus
at the end
 of the year but
also
 provides its employees with a special mid-year payment which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 their workers feel encouraged and motivated to achieve their jobs.
Overall
, it is a fact that
money
 can bring several advantages to the country. From my point of view, I agree with
this
 matter that offering high
money
 can make employees
work
 harder and are incentivised in order to finish their
work
 effectively.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task response
The introduction is well-structured and presents the topic clearly. However, try to avoid phrases like 'In my opinion, I slightly agree' as it is confusing. State your position more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the introduction and conclusion. While they are present, they could be more concise and directly related to the main points discussed in the body of the essay.
task response
Although the main points are supported, ensure that you avoid minor errors in grammar and phrasing to maintain clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'However,' consistently to maintain the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Main points are supported with relevant examples, which enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view, contributing to a comprehensive response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • equitable distribution
  • economic well-being
  • social tensions
  • instability
  • meritocracy
  • top talent
  • innovation
  • government intervention
  • excessive greed
  • exploitation
  • market determination
  • incentives
  • motivation
  • tax revenues
  • public services
  • infrastructure
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