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Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should pay the full cost for their studies because a university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 are of
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion
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 that students should pay full
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
fees
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 for their university
education
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 as it is for their personal growth.
However
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, I partially agree with
this
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 statement as a professional degree benefits the
self development
Correct your spelling
self-development
 of an individual
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it
also
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 contributes to the economic
deveopment
Correct your spelling
development
 of the nation. So,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should contribute and provide scholarships to
the student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 opting for university or college studies.
Body · 1
It has been observed that professionals like doctors, lawyers and engineers stand out from the crowd when it comes to financial power. They earn way more in wages in comparison to a high school
passout
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dropout
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.
For example
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, an average lawyer's retainer
fees
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 in Canada
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 from $150.00
,
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apply
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 for half an
hour
Punctuation problem
hour,
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where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
 it is a day's salary for a normal worker in a warehouse.
Therefore
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, a master's credential can
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 a good lifestyle,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may support the cause for making
tution
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tuition
fees
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 bearable to students who
enroll
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enrol
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 for
such
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 courses.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who attain degrees contribute to the welfare of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Such
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 individuals use their
education
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 to help
people
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 in need.
For example
Linking Words
, lawyers take pro bono cases to fight the litigation
matter
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matters
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 of
the
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apply
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individuals without any charges,
doctors
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and doctors
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 set up camps to do regular checkups of the
people
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.
This
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 is one of the
way
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ways
show examples
 in which degree holders provide assistance to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. So, it is the
responsiblity
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responsibility
 of the government authorities to reciprocate the contribution
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 by
such
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people
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, and reduce the fee structure of their
education
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 engineers and doctors live a wealthy lifestyle, they
majorily
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mainly
 contribute to the community by providing assistance to the
vunerable
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vulnerable
people
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 in need. So, they should get rebates
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
education
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fees
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Task response: You answer the question and give your view, but your position is only partly clear. Say more clearly how much you agree or disagree, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Task response: Your main ideas are good, but they need more full explanation. Add one or two more sentences to show why each point is true.
task response
Task response: Your examples are relevant, but some are too general. Use examples that directly show how university helps both the person and society.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good. But some links between ideas are weak, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put one main idea in each body paragraph and make sure every sentence supports that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple link words carefully, like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore'. Do not repeat the same pattern too much.
task response
You clearly introduce the topic and give your opinion in the first paragraph.
task response
You use examples about doctors, lawyers, and engineers to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You often use link words such as 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore', which helps the reader follow your ideas.
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