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Writing Samples
Band 5

Sports programmes are very popular on television nowadays. Some people argue that those programmes are the reasons for poor health of many young people as the prefer to watch sports rather than partake in them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction
Television
Use synonyms
 is an important source of entertainment in the modern
world
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.
People
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 can watch movies, be informed about the
world
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 through news channels and watch sporting events from all over the
world
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. A lot of
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are avid sports fans believe that the
television
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programmes
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 bring them closer to their sport of choice, so it is a blessing for them. Meanwhile, some argue that the
television
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 sets unrealistic standards for the
viewers
Punctuation problem
viewers,
show examples
 where they feel comfortable only to watch and not to partake. I personally
with
Verb problem
agree with
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 the former opinion.
Body · 1
Sport is one of the few universal
phenoma
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 that brings
people
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 together from all socio-economic backgrounds. Doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, sports
programmes
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 give you
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal opportunity to witness a game that creates joy for you. It builds community.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is a fact that not every person who has an interest in a sport can afford to buy live tickets to the game. The
television
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 screening of it gives them access to something they couldn't
otherwise
Linking Words
 enjoy. It would be remiss
to
Rephrase
not to
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 mention that in some cases,
people
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 get very dependent on the
television
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programmes
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 and neglect their active lifestyles. But the pros of
television
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programmes
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 outweigh the cons.
Body · 2
In my opinion,
people
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's poor
health
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 is a reflection of their own mindset and their ability to
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 the real
world
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 from the
world
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 on the screen. So
blaming
Punctuation problem
, blaming
show examples
television
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 is no different
than
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from
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 blaming the internet for bad
health
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 amongst teenagers. The
television
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 and the internet are modern devices created to help enhance our lives and should be used
accordingly
Linking Words
. An argument can be made that if the
television
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 can influence the deterioration in someone's active
lifestyle
Punctuation problem
lifestyle,
show examples
 it can
also
Linking Words
 inspire them to improve their
health
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 and get inspiration from the
atheletes
Correct your spelling
athletes
 they watch on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
television
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programmes
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 are a method of entertainment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they should be limited to serving that purpose.
Us
Correct pronoun usage
We
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 as human beings need to make the healthy choice of knowing when to stop letting it influence our real life and take responsibility
of your
Change preposition
for our
show examples
 own
health
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 and activity.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. You say you agree with the first view, but the task asks about the second view too. Say clearly how far you agree or disagree.
task response
Answer the full question all through the essay. Talk more directly about young people, poor health, and why sports shows may or may not cause this.
task response
Use one or two clear examples to support your ideas. For example, you can mention a young person who watches games all day and does no exercise, or one who feels moved to play after watching.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are mostly easy to follow, but some links are weak. Make sure each body paragraph starts with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump fast from one point to another, like from access to sports to health. Add short linking words and explain the connection.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the point of view steady. In one part you defend sports shows, but the essay question is about health. Stay close to that focus in every paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the essay a good basic shape.
task response
You show both sides of the topic before giving your own view. This helps the reader understand your position.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion matches your main idea and ends the essay in a clear way.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • viewership
  • partake
  • health repercussions
  • screen time
  • role models
  • inspiration
  • motivation
  • advances in broadcasting
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • lifestyle choices
  • awareness campaigns
  • community sports programs
  • balance
  • engage in sports
  • influence
  • physical engagement
  • sports celebrities
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