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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe tht nowadays we have too many choices. To Wht extent do u agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Many
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that many choices of humanity for doing their thing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
currently. From
Correct article usage
the perspective
show examples
perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
show examples
 strongly agreed with that point.
Changing
Correct article usage
The changing
show examples
 of
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 made
people
Use synonyms
 more advantage for chosen that what they need
rathen
Correct your spelling
rather
 than what they want.
Body · 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the term of
changing
Correct article usage
the changing
show examples
 of technology
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays, likely more comfortable for
people
Use synonyms
 who are looking for.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 the
price
Correct subject-verb agreement
prices
show examples
 are
highly
Replace the word
higher
 than
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 afordable.
However
Linking Words
,
monthly
Correct article usage
the monthly
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 payment is
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 choice that
people
Use synonyms
 have chosen.
For instance
Linking Words
, mobile
phone
Correct subject-verb agreement
phones
show examples
 are crucial and
affective
Use the right word
effective
show examples
 for all
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they made decision to purchase
in
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apply
show examples
every month
instead
Linking Words
 of
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 off
in
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apply
show examples
once. In consequencely making
life
Correct article usage
a life
show examples
 balance for all the living
stlye
Correct your spelling
styles
 in these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
.
Body · 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
developed
Replace the word
development
 of the technology and
competetive
Replace the word
competitiveness
 in the world market
in
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apply
show examples
these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
. Most of the busniess organisation is meet the need for their customers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, different choise are contribute
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
 to
imrpoving
Correct your spelling
improve
 on their own
as well as
Linking Words
organisation
Correct article usage
the organisation
show examples
 standable for their strategy.
For example
Linking Words
, Apple and Samsung, both they are leader of
technologies
Check wording
technology
show examples
 from differnce side of the world. But they are making
campaigne
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 and challenging
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their customers to meet what they need.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many of
choices
Correct article usage
the choices
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 are making
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 an experience for
their own
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and
managing
Wrong verb form
manage
show examples
 themselves. I strongly
agrred
Correct your spelling
agree
 with the top views that made
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they can have what they are looking for and meet the
need
Check wording
needs
show examples
 of humanity.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in the first paragraph. Say in a simple way if you agree or disagree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The topic is about having too many choices, so explain why this is true or not true for people today.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear example. Some ideas are too general, so the reader cannot fully see your point.
task response
Use simpler and more exact examples. Your Apple and Samsung example is relevant, but explain more clearly how it shows that people have many choices.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly. Some sentences do not connect well, so the flow is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use basic linking words in the right way, like First, Also, For example, However, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order inside each paragraph. Start with the main point, then add explanation, then give an example.
task response
You give a clear opinion: you strongly agree with the statement.
task response
You use examples from daily life and from big phone brands, which helps support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic shape with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as Firstly, On the other hand, Moreover, and In conclusion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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