IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some people think it that people can be encouraged to live healthy lives through sporting events such as Olympics and World cups. Others think that there are better ways to encourage adults to do exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
there
Fix capitalization
There
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 is a debate on how to motivate older people to
do
Verb problem
apply
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practice for their
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
some
Fix capitalization
Some
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 think that coming up with games
events
Use synonyms
 like
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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 and World
cups
Fix capitalization
Cups
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 can make the adult to participate in them to make them
healthier
Punctuation problem
healthier,
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 is the best option
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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 others think the best solution is
by
Change preposition
apply
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just encouraging them to do exercise.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 essay will examine both views before arguing
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 putting in
place
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
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events
Use synonyms
 will make them do exercises.
Body · 1
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 begin with, putting in
place
Use synonyms
 sporting
events
Use synonyms
 will actually boost the
ecconomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 by first creating employment in the region.
these
Fix capitalization
These
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events
Use synonyms
 will build up
population
Correct article usage
a population
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will make people
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 that
place
Use synonyms
to make
Verb problem
apply
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sell
products
Use synonyms
 important for the exercises.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 in malls where we have gyms and other sports, people sell
products
Use synonyms
 essential for the available sport.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 way of putting in
place
Use synonyms
 sporting
events
Use synonyms
 will be very
advantagious
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 to the economy and encourages older
once
Use the right word
people
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 to participate in the
events
Use synonyms
.
Body · 2
Linking Words
moreover
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Moreover
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, gaming
events
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 increase the technology growth.
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 come up with the
event
Punctuation problem
event,
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 there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of tech
products
Use synonyms
 that must be put in
place
Use synonyms
 to facilitate the process of the activities.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 in the olympics timer are developed and made to be automatic and more accurate to make the gaming tasks very reliable and accurate.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 process of tech advancement
mottivates
Correct your spelling
motivates
 the
eders
Correct your spelling
elders
 to participate in these
events
Use synonyms
 for them to
be
Verb problem
apply
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experience the new
products
Use synonyms
.
Body · 3
Linking Words
on
Fix capitalization
On
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 the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 motivating them
in
Verb problem
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 a better way to make them
joint
Replace the word
join
 the exercise.
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 teaching them how well being in acchived by proper exercise.
Conclusion
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 conclusion, putting in
place
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
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events
Use synonyms
 to
motivates
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
 the elder once in exercising process in a much preferred option
that
Change preposition
over
show examples
 working with motivating them only.

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task response
Answer both views more clearly. Write one full part for sport events and one full part for other ways to help adults exercise.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Use ideas that match the question. The economy and technology are not the main point here. Focus on how adults can be pushed to exercise.
task response
Add more clear examples about adults doing exercise, like free classes, parks, walking groups, or work programs.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part about one main idea only. This will help your writing feel easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well: first, also, however, for example, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short clear reason and one example.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both sides and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like to begin with, moreover, and on the other hand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise
  • encourage
  • healthy
  • lifestyle
  • sports
  • athletes
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • skills
  • dedication
  • admire
  • interests
  • accessible
  • relatable
  • community
  • fitness
  • programs
  • clubs
  • social media
  • apps
  • challenges
  • influencers
  • buddies
  • groups
  • active
  • together
  • support
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