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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the annual amount (kg) of meat eaten per person per year in five different countries from 1961 to 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates the changes in the
whole
Correct word choice
total
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 amount of
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten per
person
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 in China,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Canada, Brazil,
Kenya
Correct word choice
and Kenya
show examples
countries during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
five decades.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in China increased significantly,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in Kenya was the lowest from
near
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1991 to 2013. In 1961, the
data
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in China was recorded at around 1
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
,
initially
Linking Words
 ranking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
place
Check wording
apply
show examples
in the chart.
However
Linking Words
, by 2013, it surged to 40
kg
Use synonyms
, thereby reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third place in the end.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in Brazil
also
Linking Words
 experienced an upward trend, rising consistently from around 1
kg
Use synonyms
 to around 15
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
 during the same period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and Canada started at around 55
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 in 1961.
However
Linking Words
, it experienced a downward trend and dropped to around 50
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Also
Linking Words
, the
data
Check wording
amount
show examples
 of
meat
Use synonyms
 eaten in Kenya
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased steadily from around 15
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 in 1961 to around 5
kg
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 in 2013, ending up as the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 on the chart.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, meat, person, figure, kg with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
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