IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The dangers of smoking are well-known, yet many people continue with this habit. Are the causes of this and how can we reduce smoking in society?

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Introduction
In today’s society, smoking has become
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increasingly urgent concern.
This
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 essay will examine the primary causes of
this
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 problem and
proposes
Wrong verb form
propose
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 feasible strategies to address the issue effectively.
Body · 1
Examining the former opinion, the primary argument
the supposed
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 would
put
Verb problem
be put
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 forward is that smoking is highly addictive
natural
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apply
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because
it
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of
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 nicotine .
This
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 is because
smoker
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smokers
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 can be physically and psychologically dependent on cigarettes , making it difficult quitting
can be
Verb problem
apply
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extremely challenging even when they are fully aware of the risks
lung
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of lung
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 cancer , health
disease
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diseases
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, and other life - threatening illnesses.
In addition
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 , they
also
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 believe that
deal
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they deal
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 with stress and anxiety . The reason is that cigarettes help them manage work- related pressure.
Body · 2
To address
this
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 pressing issue, several effective measures must be implemented by both authorities and individuals.
Firstly
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, governments should impose substantially higher taxes on tobacco products, as increased prices are particularly effective in deterring potential smokers, especially the youth,
due to
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 financial constraints.
Addictionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, comprehensive public awareness campaigns featuring graphic
warming
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warning
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 labels and anti-smoking advertisements should be introduced,
such
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 as cigarette packets
display
Wrong verb form
displaying
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 images of damaged lungs.
Thirdly
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, it is crucial that smokers receive practical support during the quitting process rather than attempting to overcome addiction on their own. Ultimately, legislative action, educational initiatives, and accessible strategies represent the most effective strategy for tackling
this
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 issue.
Conclusion
In conclusion, smoking remains a complex and multifaceted challenge that demands immediate attention.
While
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 the highly addictive nature of nicotine and dealing with stress and anxiety are identified as the key driving factors. The government imposing substantially higher taxes on tobacco products and comprehensive public awareness campaigns featuring graphic warning labels and anti-smoking advertisements represent meaningful and actionable steps that can help mitigate
this
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 challenge significantly.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more clearly. You ask about causes and ways to reduce smoking, so keep both parts clear in each body part.
task response
Give ideas in a simpler and more direct way. Some sentences are hard to understand, so your main points are not always clear.
task response
Use one or two clear examples. For example, say how high tax helped cut smoking in one group or place.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clear. Start each body paragraph with one main idea, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, because, so, and in conclusion. Do not make sentences too long.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. The first body paragraph should only explain causes, and the second should only explain solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a basic essay form with body paragraphs.
task response
You mention more than one cause and more than one solution.
task response
Some ideas are relevant to the topic, like stress, tax, and warning labels.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addiction
  • Nicotine
  • Coping mechanism
  • Peer pressure
  • Cultural norms
  • Health risks
  • Misunderstanding
  • Marketing
  • Availability
  • Influence
  • Awareness
  • Dangers
  • Stress relief
  • Smoking cessation
  • Public health campaigns
  • Legislation
  • Support groups
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