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Band 6.5

Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #move #countries #home #country
Recently, some people think that it is better to live in other
countries
 after they retire,
however
, other people think that it is better to live in their
home
 country after they retire. First of all, the good thing
to live
Change preposition
about living
show examples
 in another country after they quit their
jobs
 is that, they do not have any more
jobs
 , so they can able to relax abroad for a long day.
This
 means that their schedule is not going to be restricted because of the job which can make them happy and have a good time with their husband or wife. After they end their
jobs
, they can go abroad for trips with family , which they could not do when they were working before so that they can learn new things or have fun abroad. Second of all, the good thing about living in their
home
countries
 after they end their
jobs
 is that, they can see their family
such
 as their son or grandson anytime they want which will be grateful for them too. In their
home
countries
, they can relax by going somewhere that they have been or the place where they were born and live so that they can remember what they have done before
also
 when they go to new
countries
 when they become older it will be many stimulations in other
countries
, which might be bad things for their health.
To sum up
, some communities think that moving to other
countries
 when they retire is better but some other communities think that it is better to stay in their
home
 town.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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introduction conclusion present
Consider crafting a more engaging introduction, and work on a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main arguments.
logical structure
Organize your paragraphs more logically, perhaps by clearly separating the points for each view. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea to enhance coherence.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will not only strengthen your arguments but also fulfill the task requirements more thoroughly.
complete response
You have addressed both views which is essential for this type of essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay contains clear ideas and logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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