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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The number of children that read books for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years. What are the reason for this? How can we encourage children to read more?

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Introduction
These days, the number of
children
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 who read
books
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 for entertainment has decreased significantly
due to
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 the emergence of modern
technology
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. To solve
this
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 issue,
parents
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 should supervise their
children
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 more carefully
while
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also
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 encouraging them through support and motivation.
Body · 1
Nowadays,
children
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 are surrounded by many distractions
such
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 as video games, iPads, and other forms of advanced
technology
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 that entertain them more than
books
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 do.
As a result
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, many
children
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 become less focused on
activities
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 that are truly beneficial for them.
In addition
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, excessive use of
technology
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 can have negative effects if it is not controlled properly.
For example
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, many studies suggest that spending long hours playing video games can reduce energy levels and negatively affect mental health over
time
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.
Consequently
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,
children
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 become addicted to
this
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 fast-paced type of entertainment and begin looking for
activities
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 that provide the same level of excitement.
Therefore
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,
books
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 are no longer attractive to many
children
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.
Body · 2
One effective solution is for
parents
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 to place
children
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’s use of
technology
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 under strict supervision and set
time
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 limits for these
activities
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.
For instance
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, allowing a child to use an iPad for only one hour a day may be enough for entertainment without making the child feel deprived. If
parents
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 implement
this
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 method,
children
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 will have more free
time
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 to read
books
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 and enjoy other useful
activities
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instead
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 of becoming attached to screens.
Furthermore
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, rewards can be a strong source of motivation, especially for
children
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.
For example
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,
parents
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 could give small gifts or words of encouragement whenever their child finishes reading a book.
This
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 would make
children
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 feel appreciated and motivate them to continue reading.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the main reason why
children
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 read fewer
books
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 nowadays is the influence of modern
technology
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. To minimise
this
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 problem,
parents
Use synonyms
 should supervise screen
time
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 carefully and encourage reading by rewarding their
children
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.
As a result
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,
children
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 may develop better reading habits and become more interested in
books
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.

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task response
Answer both parts a bit more fully. You explain the reason well, but you can add one more reason for why children do not read.
task response
Make your ideas more clear by adding a more direct link between screens and less reading time.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your examples are good, but they are still quite general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used well, but you can vary them more and make some sentences shorter for easier flow.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point has support, but one paragraph could focus only on reasons and one only on solutions even more clearly.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand.
task response
You give examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a logical order.
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