IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their baby. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Giving female employees
maternity
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 leave is a common practice all over the world. From time to time, people argue about whether
this
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 does more good or harm. In my opinion, the
maternity
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 leave
system
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 does more good than harm. On the one hand, the
maternity
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 leave
system
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 does have negative effects on enterprises and
women
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. From the former point of view,
maternity
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 leave will affect the efficiency of enterprises and institutions. During
maternity
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 leave, because of the need to take care of children and protect their own rest,
women
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 can not work efficiently, even if someone else
to take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 over the work.
Besides
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, if companies have to give
maternity
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 leave to
women
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, it will lead to more gender discrimination against
women
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 in the job market. HR of the company will consider hiring more men to avoid the efficiency problems mentioned above.
On the other hand
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, there are undoubtedly huge benefits to giving employees
maternity
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 leave.
First,
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women
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 can get better rest and recovery. From pregnancy to birth, the whole process can be laborious and even dangerous.
Therefore
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,
women
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 should have a few months to recover after giving birth rather than going back to work quickly.
Secondly
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, the
maternity
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 leave
system
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 brings the best care to the newborn.
Breast feeding
Correct your spelling
Breastfeeding
show examples
 has been shown to be the best thing for the baby's health.
Also
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, mothers are more patient and pay more attention to their children than any other family members or babysitters, which ensures the healthy growth of children. In my opinion, the
maternity
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 leave
system
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 brings more benefits, because the negative effects mentioned above can be effectively solved and avoided. Specifically, the government can make laws and regulations to avoid discrimination in employment and modern communication tools can better solve the problem of job handover during
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave.
Therefore
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, I firmly believe that
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave brings more positive effects.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a more structured presentation of your ideas. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide your reader through your arguments.
task achievement
While you acknowledge both sides of the argument, try to strengthen your main points with more relevant examples to illustrate your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could be more impactful by summarizing the key points you made in your body paragraphs along with a reiteration of your opinion.
task achievement
The essay has a clear argument and shows a good understanding of the topic, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of maternity leave.
task achievement
You effectively stressed the importance of maternity leave for both the mother and child, touching on both health and productivity considerations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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