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Writing Samples
Band 6

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT SONG LYRICS WICH GLORIFY VIOLENCE AND CRIMINAL LIFESTYLES SHOULD BE BANNED. DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF SUCH A BAN.

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is an ongoing debate about whether song
lyrics
Use synonyms
 that glorify violence and criminal lifestyles should be banned.
While
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such
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 a ban may offer several benefits, it
also
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 has some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of banning these types of
songs
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
One major advantage of banning
such
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lyrics
Use synonyms
 is that it may reduce the negative influence of violent messages on young people. Many teenagers listen to music regularly and may be influenced by
lyrics
Use synonyms
 that promote crime, aggression, or illegal activities.
As a result
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, banning these
songs
Use synonyms
 could help discourage harmful
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and encourage more positive values.
Furthermore
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, reducing the availability of violent content may contribute to creating a safer and more responsible society.
For example
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, young listeners may be less likely to admire criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 if it is not repeatedly promoted through music.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, banning these
lyrics
Use synonyms
 may have several disadvantages. One significant drawback is that it could limit freedom of expression and artistic creativity. Musicians often use their
songs
Use synonyms
 to express opinions, tell stories, or describe social issues.
In addition
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, it may be difficult to determine which
lyrics
Use synonyms
 should be banned because different people may interpret
songs
Use synonyms
 in different ways. Some
songs
Use synonyms
 may discuss violence or crime without actually encouraging
such
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Therefore
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, a ban could lead to unnecessary censorship and restrict artists’ ability to communicate important messages through their work.
Conclusion
In conclusion, banning song
lyrics
Use synonyms
 that glorify violence and criminal lifestyles may help protect young people and promote positive values.
However
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, it may
also
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 restrict freedom of expression and create concerns about censorship.
Therefore
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, both the advantages and disadvantages should be carefully considered before introducing
such
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 a ban.

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task response
For task response, add one more clear idea on each side. This will make your answer more full.
task response
For task response, use a more real and clear example, not only a general one.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas are in a good order, but you can link them with a few more clear words like 'First', 'Also', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make one or two points more fully explained before you move to the next point.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, and this helps the reader understand you well.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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