IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantage and disadvantage of giving children this message.

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İn some nations,
children
Use synonyms
 are usually told that they can
accomplished
Wrong verb form
accomplish
show examples
 everything if they give their whole effort. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will touch on both
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 situation. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 the main benefits of
this
Linking Words
 belief
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that it
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
 self-esteem and motivation in
children
Use synonyms
.If
children
Use synonyms
 are taught that when they grind
enoughly
Rephrase
enough
show examples
 they can succeed, they are more
probably
Replace the word
likely to
 stay focused on their goals and tackle the problems, even when faced with complex obstacles.
For instance
Linking Words
, they may spend extra time studying to perform well on exams or trying to excel in other fields.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are potential drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to believe that everything is achievable through high effort can lead to feeling
children
Use synonyms
 under pressure, specifically when they encounter difficulties
which
Correct pronoun usage
that they
show examples
 can't control. Not all goals are achievable, and when
children
Use synonyms
 are unable to attain what they
encourage
Wrong verb form
are encouraged
show examples
 to do, they
likely
Verb problem
are likely
show examples
 to experience feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who excels in
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 market because of practice might struggle in
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
show examples
 field, where success is not just determined by hard work.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Write one clear good point and one clear bad point, then explain each a bit more.
task response
Add a short ending. A final line can make your answer feel complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, however, because, so, and for example.
task response
Make each example more specific and easy to follow.
task response
You answer both the good side and the bad side of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro and two body parts.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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