IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Children should take part time jobs in their free time or they should totally focus on their studies. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so?

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It is often that
adobut
Correct your spelling
about
 if
children
Use synonyms
 need
get
Verb problem
to get
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
part
Correct your spelling
part-time
time
Use synonyms
 or
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 in
free
Correct determiner usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. There are many benefits and
unbenefit
Check wording
disadvantages
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 topic to discuss. The advantage for
children
Use synonyms
 working on
free
Correct determiner usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is imporove child personality and responsibility.
For instance
Linking Words
, they will learn
making decision
Wrong verb form
to make decisions
show examples
,
time
Use synonyms
 management
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 spend money. Fourthmore, student peronality easy to
bulit
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build
 now in
correct
Correct article usage
the correct
show examples
 way.
Linking Words
also
Fix capitalization
Also
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, the
technologhy
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technology
 in cerrent day
effect
Use the right word
affects
show examples
 them, as
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they are lassy body and brain.
However
Linking Words
, there are several disadvantage for working and should totally
foucing
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focus
 on
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
. For
examples
Check wording
example
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, the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 get
boaring
Wrong verb form
bored
show examples
 from studing
then
Linking Words
 hate the
all
Correct word choice
whole
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 school. Which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
drop
Correct article usage
a drop
show examples
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in children
show examples
children
Check wording
children's
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 degree and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 absent. In conclusion, through the important balance between
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
time
Use synonyms
 and free
time
Use synonyms
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 on
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 or gaming. As the parent can dicide depand childern and need to choose appropraite job for
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 age.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say what is good and what is bad about part-time work for children.
task response
Add one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it with a simple reason or example.
task response
Use more clear examples. For example, say what job a child can do and how it helps or hurts study.
coherence and cohesion
Make your order easier to follow: intro, good points, bad points, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Write full clear sentences. Some sentences are hard to understand, so the reader may lose your meaning.
task response
You answered the topic and talked about both good and bad sides.
task response
You gave some useful ideas, like responsibility, time use, and the risk of less study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some link words such as for instance, however, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time job
  • focus on
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • responsibility
  • work ethic
  • time management skills
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • financial independence
  • money management
  • practical knowledge
  • real-world experience
  • academic performance
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • rest
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular activities
  • unsafe
  • inappropriate
  • social development
  • emotional development
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