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Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of people moving from rural to urban areas in search of a better life is increasing, but city life comes with its own set of issues. What exactly are these issues, and how can they be solved?

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A growing number of
people
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 are relocating from rural to urban areas in search of a better
quality
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 of
life
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.
However
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, problems
such
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 as housing shortages,
traffic
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 congestion, and pollution can have a serious impact on
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
quality
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 of
life
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.
This
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 essay will examine these issues and propose potential solutions.
Firstly
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, the dense concentration of
people
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 in
cities
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 has resulted in a shortage of affordable housing. In several large
cities
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,
for example
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, a large number of
people
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 end up living in the suburbs since the shortage of space means renting in the city is too expensive. Living far away from work forces
people
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 to commute on a daily basis, which contributes to the second issue,
traffic
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 congestion.
Traffic
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 congestion has become a critical issue in several
cities
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 worldwide. In Shanghai,
for example
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, if you want to go from the East to the West, you may end up spending seven hours sitting in your car
due to
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traffic
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 jams. Overpopulation and excessive
traffic
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 lead to pollution, which is the third issue to be addressed.
As a result
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 of the high population density in
cities
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, air and water pollution issues are more prominent when compared to rural areas.
This
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 can lead to numerous health risks and can reduce
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
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. As a first step, governments should provide more affordable housing in city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. UK
cities
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 like Manchester and London,
for example
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, have government housing near the city
centers
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centres
show examples
 to assist low-income families. Another thing that the government must improve is transportation infrastructure, in order to manage
traffic
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 volume. Many
people
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 commute on a daily basis, so having efficient public transport is crucial in order to improve
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quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
life
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.
Finally
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, local governments could encourage residents to be more mindful of the environment through events and information campaigns,
for instance
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. Another possible solution is the implementation of car-free zones.
This
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 initiative has already been launched in several major
cities
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 worldwide, and it has had a significant impact on air
quality
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. In summary, population growth in
cities
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 around the world is causing several issues. To address them, we should do everything we can to offer affordable housing in urban areas, improve transportation, and make
people
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 aware of the impact that our lifestyle can have on the environment.

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task response
For task response: You answer both parts of the question well. To get a higher score, explain some ideas a bit more deeply.
task response
For task response: Your ideas are clear and stay on the topic. Try to add one more very clear real example or fact.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow and the order is good. To improve, make some links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your paragraphs are clear. Try not to repeat words like 'issue' and 'quality of life' too much.
task response
For task response: You cover the main city problems and give matching solutions.
task response
For task response: Your examples help support your points, especially housing, traffic, and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Each paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
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