IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
People
Use synonyms
 tend to hold different views about the contribution of learning
theories
Use synonyms
 to career advancement. Many
people
Use synonyms
 achieve career
success
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they fail to complete
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 university education. I think that the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 we have gained in university is essential to our
success
Use synonyms
.By learning basic
theories
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can gain
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
insight into the concepts and principles of certain subjects, so they can develop expertise in their favourite fields.
For example
Linking Words
, a psychiatrist cannot determine the best treatment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 unless he or she has an in-depth
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of all
theories
Use synonyms
 about mental disorders. Many
theories
Use synonyms
 are developed based on practical experience
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they have practical significance, and
people
Use synonyms
 who can master them will have great job prospects.Another benefit of learning
theories
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 are able to improve their problem-solving skills and show their creativity.
Theories
Use synonyms
 make it possible for
people
Use synonyms
 to broaden their minds and develop creative solutions to problems, which can advance
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and technology.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes, the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
theories
Use synonyms
 may not be valuable in all cases. If students apply
theories
Use synonyms
 blindly, they will find that
theories
Use synonyms
 may not achieve expected outcomes.
For example
Linking Words
, management
theories
Use synonyms
 lay emphasis on teamwork, but sometimes, group
decision making
Correct your spelling
decision-making
 can have a detrimental effect on a company’s productivity. Meanwhile, even if
theories
Use synonyms
 are applicable,
people
Use synonyms
 should have some qualities to achieve
success
Use synonyms
. One example is the management theory which places value on innovation;
however
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 do not have positive qualities
such
Linking Words
 as perseverance and attention to detail, they may not apply these
theories
Use synonyms
 well.In conclusion, it is necessary to lay emphasis on theoretical study because
people
Use synonyms
 can benefit from theoretical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in their careers. Meanwhile, we need to acknowledge the fact that
theories
Use synonyms
 may not be of great value to one’s
success
Use synonyms
 in all contexts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You talk more about theory than about getting a job after school.
task response
Give your opinion more clearly in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use ideas that match the question exactly. The topic is university or work after school, but your essay changes to theories.
coherence cohesion
Add a clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use full stops after some long ideas. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Link examples more clearly to your main point with simple words like this, so, and because.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear ending and it matches your main view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure.
task response
You give examples to support some ideas.
task response
Some points are explained well, especially about how study can help at work.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays: