IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same company or organisation during their whole working life. It is better to work for different companies discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Sometimes
people
Use synonyms
remain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 factory throughout their lives
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, others think that it is more useful to
work
Use synonyms
 for many places during
your life
Fix the agreement mistake
their lives
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
one
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both views.
but
Fix capitalization
But
show examples
, for me,
change
Wrong verb form
changing
show examples
 the place of
work
Use synonyms
 can guarantee that
people
Use synonyms
 have
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 they suitable for them ,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 can treat their positions in the companies as an investment.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 the
first
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, they may take months to learn the foundations of the
work
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, they try to prove themselves as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good workers. During
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
, they become known
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their co-workers from other positions, and they have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of relationships in the company. With
this
Linking Words
, they can
prove a
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 high success and rise from
position
Correct determiner usage
one position
show examples
 to another. So, if they start
from
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a salesman, they can be a sales manager,
after
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the salary is increasing
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
. In the
end
Use synonyms
, they find themselves older and
give
Verb problem
put
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 efforts to their factories.
Also
Linking Words
, they reach a higher position in their
job
Use synonyms
,
With
Fix capitalization
with
show examples
 stable income and a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 may try to search for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 suitable
job
Use synonyms
 for
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
Which through
Correct pronoun usage
Through
show examples
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
this,
show examples
makes them
Verb problem
they
show examples
 face a
lot
Use synonyms
failures
Change preposition
of failures
show examples
 and learn a
lot
Use synonyms
 to find the
right
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they may have their
first
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 as an accountant after their university
time
Use synonyms
. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, they may find themselves
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
like
Wrong verb form
liking
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
 itself, and how the
system of
Correct word order
job system
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 works. They can make a career shift to
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
 career.
Then
Linking Words
, they can
work
Use synonyms
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, but they do not find cooprative team or respect from their manager. All
this
Linking Words
 can allow them to experience different companies and fields. Which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can benefit
them
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
them as experiences in their CV. And how they can deal with the
work
Use synonyms
 environment in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 way. They can learn from all
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 a lesson
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the next
one
Use synonyms
 to reach the suitable
one
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 cannot find the
right
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
first
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 or the
right
Use synonyms
 co-workers. But they must
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
know more about the
work
Use synonyms
 environment and try different fields. When
from
Verb problem
they move from
show examples
company
Correct determiner usage
one company
show examples
 to other they can know
this
Linking Words
 and experience different circumstances to make them reach the
right
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly, then give your view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. One main idea in each body part is best.
task response
Use examples with clear detail. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Some joining words are used, but some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check if each sentence helps your main point. Remove ideas that repeat.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use work examples to explain your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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