IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people
conacted
Correct your spelling
contacted
 that
zoos
Use synonyms
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be closed
dowe
Correct your spelling
down
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 has benifits in protecting wild
animals
Use synonyms
 .
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 my opinon
zoos
Use synonyms
 are useful
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they assist
animals
Use synonyms
 to be alive
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
 ,
animals
Use synonyms
is crusle for the general public
Correct word order
are crucial for the general public's
show examples
 life .
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand ,
closed
Wrong verb form
closing
show examples
 the
zoos
Use synonyms
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they are
crul
Correct your spelling
cruel
?
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
that
Fix capitalization
That
show examples
 has both negative and positive aspect , if you
clouse
Correct your spelling
close
 the
Use synonyms
zoos
Punctuation problem
zoos,
show examples
 you will
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 people
before
Change preposition
from
show examples
 any
assident
Correct your spelling
assault
, but you will put the wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
denger
Correct your spelling
danger
,
such
Linking Words
 as
panda
Correct your spelling
pandas
 or birds
,
Correct word order
. Additionally,
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
 a lot of resurch say assident in
zoos
Use synonyms
 can be 5% that lower
persentag
Correct your spelling
percentage
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
it is
Correct word order
is it
show examples
 important to
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
?
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 do a lot of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important to be still alive
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as birds
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 eat bad
plant
Check wording
plants
show examples
 in vegtebal , you should know
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
die
Punctuation problem
die,
show examples
 you will die
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 you should assist them to live and
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 them .
Body paragraph 3
In the conclusion , protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 is not just for
animals
Use synonyms
 ,it
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 for
humen
Correct your spelling
human
 life ,
therefore
Linking Words
Conclusion
Use synonyms
zoos
Fix capitalization
Zoos
show examples
 are important.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You wrote about closing zoos and about saving animals, but each side needs more clear detail.
task response
Give your opinion in one clear sentence in the introduction and support it in the body.
task response
Use one or two simple and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy link words well, like On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, Therefore, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, like On the one hand and On the other hand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: