IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activities of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that the government should
prioritised
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
 youth's education, whilst others contend that the government should allocate
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 budget for creating free recreational activities for them. I strongly believe that the authorities should
emphasis on
Replace the word
emphasise the
 educational sector so that people are educated
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the nation has skilled manpower.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should allocate
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 budget for
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 sector as educated citizens positively shape the future of the nation. When youths are provided with quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education, they tend to become wise and responsible adults who
would be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 skilled

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task response
Answer all parts of the question. Say how far you agree, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Add one full body paragraph with a clear main idea and support.
task response
Give a real and clear example to support your view.
task response
Finish the essay with a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, for example, and in short.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it.
task response
The introduction shows the topic and your main view.
task response
Your first main point is on topic and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear start with words like firstly.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a logical way in the part you wrote.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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