IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries fast food restaurants and supermarket gives money to schools to promote their products. Do you think this is a positive or negative development

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It has been observed that advertising has become a big part of our lives. In some states, fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants and
supermarket
Check wording
supermarkets
show examples
 provide cash to colleges to raise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 products. I presume that
he
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 benefits of these precautionary
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 would surprass its drawbacks to a major extent. My position is
eloborated
Correct your spelling
elaborated
further
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 with reasons and relevant examples. Examining the brighter side of the foremost one is that the local development would be acquired by the companies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
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 remains a
distinguish
Replace the word
distinguished
 example of the asisting the toddlers.
Moreover
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, the
costrunction
Correct your spelling
cooperation
 of bounds with the firms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a
hands on
Correct your spelling
hands-on
 experience
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 schools to add
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their education quality. To illustrate that, the facilities can be build by
this
Linking Words
 money
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows adolescents
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 to
adolescents
Check wording
apply
show examples
spend
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 time during their studies.
Furthermore
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, the mentioned benefits, investing for the future managers and
executives
Punctuation problem
executives,
show examples
 can help to establish
a
Correct article usage
an
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 idea for sustainability. Since they would
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
words in the future for implementations for these, they can
also
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 iteratively implement those into their environments. To add to, these develop a meaningful impact for the poor
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
.
On the contrary
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, I would not overlook the downsides.
To begin
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 with, having
unhealthy
Correct word order
exposure to unhealthy food advertisements
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 advertisments exposure may
commence
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 serious health problems because toddlers think that the
wall
Check wording
school wall
show examples
of shool
Check wording
apply
show examples
is a safe place and these papers
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that
these
Correct determiner usage
all these
show examples
all
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 are edible
all
Change preposition
at all
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
For instance
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, the posts and brand campaign influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people behaviour phsycologically
Correct word order
people's behaviour psychologically
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 and create a link between the brand and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
To conclude
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, there are both merits and demerits of promote a products
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily life.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that teenagers can understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 and side
affects
Replace the word
effects
 of these
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 nowadays by using the internet. So it gives more
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
 because it would be faciliate the our young people in their academic life.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you think it is more positive or more negative, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Give clearer main ideas in each body part. One main idea for each part is best.
task response
Use simple and real examples. Your school money example is too general, so it does not fully support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow. Some lines are hard to understand because the meaning changes or is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and so. Do not use too many long phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Build paragraphs in a clear way: topic sentence, explanation, then example.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph shape with introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both good and bad sides, which helps show a full view of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsorship
  • commercialism
  • educational funding
  • brand loyalty
  • public health concerns
  • critical thinking
  • unhealthy eating habits
  • nutritional education
  • corporate influence
  • scholarships
  • educational resources
  • marketing strategies
  • ethical considerations
  • consumer habits
  • financial incentives
  • underfunded schools
  • health implications
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