IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fast food companies should be banned from advertising their products. Do you agree or disagree?

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More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that junk
food
Use synonyms
companies
Use synonyms
 must be prohibited from promoting their
Use synonyms
meals
Check wording
products
show examples
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and I believe that
companise
Correct your spelling
companies
 should not
prevent
Wrong verb form
be prevented
show examples
 from doing advertising because of
affordability
Correct article usage
the affordability
show examples
 of these
meals
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 and convenience. First of all, I believe that the main reason for populr use
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 processed
food
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time poverty. In fact,
People
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 work long
hours
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 up to seven
hours
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 per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day, so they choose fast
food
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 or ready-to-eat
meals
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.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 appears not to be the healthiest option,
people
Use synonyms
 can still make balanced
chocise
Correct your spelling
choices
 by eating it
occsionally
Correct your spelling
occasionally
 rather than banning its advertisements.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are companis who offer options like
calories measure
Replace the word
calorie-measured
meals
Use synonyms
. A study published by New York University concluded
workers
Correct word choice
that workers
show examples
 who
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to choose ready
meals
Use synonyms
were sustain
Wrong verb form
sustained
show examples
 productivity more.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
inhibit
Wrong verb form
inhibiting
show examples
companies
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 from
promotiong
Correct your spelling
promoting
 their products
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in employee get breaks and lower productivity.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that junk
food
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 is
afforable
Correct your spelling
affordable
, cheaper, and easier to find than fresh, organic ingredients.What I mean, these
food
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 prepared and wrapped to stay
freash
Correct your spelling
fresh
 for long
hours
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, since they
make
Wrong verb form
are made
show examples
 in a refreshing way that
endure
Correct subject-verb agreement
endures
show examples
 the working
hours
Use synonyms
 majority of
people
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 choose them over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular cooking
meals
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a worker has a short break, he will prefer to enjoy his break
instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
speanding
Correct your spelling
spending
 time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooking a meal.
As a result
Linking Words
, when
companies
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will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 banned from advertising,
people
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loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 that
afforable
Correct word choice
affordable
show examples
 and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
 option. In conclusion, I believe that
companies
Use synonyms
 must not
suppressed
Verb problem
be suppressed
show examples
 from doing ads. because of time poverty and affordability that suit with workers’ lifestyle.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start and keep the same idea all through the essay.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. Some ideas are good, but they need more clear support.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to trust. One example is given, but it is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas in a more simple way. Each body part should have one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are used in the wrong place, so the flow becomes hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because meaning is sometimes not clear.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with reasons and an example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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