Some people focus on national news, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and offer your opinion.

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Sometimes, citizens concentrate
to see
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on seeing
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local
news
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,
while
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others think it is significant to be conscous for the
world
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news
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. I will discuss both views. But, for me, worldwide
news
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can determine our next steps
about
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regarding
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our investment. On the one hand, local
news
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can be a scale for citizens and
homes
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home
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movement
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in the city, to
protact
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protect
them from any
crises
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. When
,
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apply
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some everyday locations for local
people
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can have changes, repairs, or
crises
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.
This
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can happen hourly. Some
people
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uncounciously
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unconsciously
tend to go there daily, and they can face these events. Here, the role of town
news
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come
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is
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to inform
people
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via radio or TV
to do not
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not to
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go there.
Which,
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This
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this
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makes them avoid the
concequences
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consequences
that may relate to these regimes.
For instance
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, if the main highway of the city
have
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has
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an accident,
people
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will change their direction before
go
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going
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there. And,
people
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who hear
this
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, they
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apply
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can advise their relatives and their friends
to do not
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not to
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go there. So, they can save themselves from a delay of important events. And the society as
all
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a whole
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.
On the other hand
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, worldwide
news
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have
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has
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a high potential to save
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people
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people's
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investment, and decide the next step for them.
People
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invest their money in different ways, some in
high
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high-value
value
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materials
such
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as
the
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apply
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gold
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.
This
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value
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can be able to increase or decrease. which
both can
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can both
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affect
people
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's lives in different ways. Here, the international
news
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can predict
this
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value
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after
evaluate
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evaluating
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the whole
world
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market. Or at least, International channels can observe small
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movement
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movements
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before
it
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they
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happen, just because related to
this
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market. When
,
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apply
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the
value
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may rise or
fail
Verb problem
fall
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, because
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crises
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of crises
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in international
bank
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banks
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about the
gold
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.
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after
Fix capitalization
After
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this
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,
it
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its
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value
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might decrease. Worldwide
news
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interest
about
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in
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this
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because all countries invest in the international bank.
After
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this
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,
people
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might sell all
what
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that
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they have from
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this
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these
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materials, because of doubts or
afarid
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fear
.
While
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,
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apply
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others do not follow the international
news
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might lose a lot of money
,
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apply
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as a result
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. So, if
people
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heared
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heard
about
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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doubts before, they would not lose their money
,
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apply
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during
this
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decreases of
gold
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. And
this
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the
Verb problem
is the
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role of
world
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channels that can inform
people
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about the whole
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world
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world's
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estimates, so
people
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can take important disicions by
this
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estimates. In my opinion, a lot of international
movement
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might not interest the local
news
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unless
after
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apply
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it
happen
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happens
show examples
.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
some of these
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movement
Fix the agreement mistake
movements
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might matter
international
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to international
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communites
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communities
. So a lot of international
news
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try
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tries
show examples
to predict about materials
such
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the
Change preposition
as
show examples
gold
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because all countries invest in. These predictions benefit local
people
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's investments to save themselves before any
crises
Use synonyms
can happen.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more clearly. You discuss both sides and give your view, but your opinion should be more direct and easier to see in all parts of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start each paragraph with one simple point, then explain it step by step.
task response
Add more clear and real examples. Your example about traffic is helpful, but the world news paragraph needs a simpler and stronger example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some sentences stop suddenly or change topic too fast, so the reader has to guess your meaning.
task response
Keep your opinion the same from start to end. Your view is present, but it should be explained again in the conclusion in a stronger way.
task response
You answer the question and talk about both national news and international news.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples, such as the road accident and gold price.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic participation
  • global perspective
  • economic trends
  • cultural exchanges
  • interconnected world
  • local policies
  • societal issues
  • empathy
  • global markets
  • international relations
  • immediate environment
  • increasingly important
  • context
  • broader perspective
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