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Writing Samples
Band 5

The improved technology allows for rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is dangerous for the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The
technogical
Correct your spelling
technological
 boom of the 21st century has led to apparent consequences, leading to emerging concerns about data security and whether humanity is leading down a dark path where most aspects of life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 inseparable from
technology
Use synonyms
 or artificial intelligence (AI). That being said, I would argue the claim that
technology
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 directly allows for uncontrolled
access
Use synonyms
 to and exchange of
information
Use synonyms
 is largely an overgeneralization of the effects of
technology
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;
Technology
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 is not in
of
Correct word choice
and of
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 itself dangerous for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, nor is the heightened flow of
information
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, it
Punctuation problem
. It
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 is precisely
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the intent of the user sitting behind the screen that dictates whether
technology
Use synonyms
 is a risk or reward. Uncontrolled
access
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 and exchange of
information
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 does pose a threat to our data and the integrity of online
information
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 should be a case of correlation rather than one of causation. In retrospect, when the
internet
Use synonyms
 was invented and
popularized
Change the spelling
popularised
show examples
 back in the late 20th century, all we ever imagined that would come from a screen was good; Movies showed flying cars, and robot workers. It was around the bursting of the dot.com bubble
did
Correct word choice
that
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 movies
start
Wrong verb form
started
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 depicting future scenarios where
technology
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 would take over the world; that was because the trust in the
realiability
Correct your spelling
reliability
 of
technology
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 eroded incident after incident. Coinciding with the development of mistrust
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 was the
popularization
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popularisation
show examples
 of
technology
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; with little to no regulation ensuring users abided by ethics and morals, the bad apples in the bunch took advantage of the immature platforms and
wrecked
Use the right word
wreaked
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 havoc, leading to now infamous
internet
Use synonyms
 memes about scams,
such
Linking Words
 as the Nigerian prince who always promised to pay you back. Yes, uncontrolled
access
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 to and spread of
information
Use synonyms
 does prove dangerous to our society, but it is not the sole reason, as it was simply caused inadvertently
as a result
Linking Words
 of technological improvement. Neither can the rapid
access
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 to
information
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 be slandered and blamed for the crimes stemming from
technology
Use synonyms
. The ability to
access
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information
Use synonyms
 on a whim has been a lifesaver for many; people became more knowledgeable and equipped with skills they would not
had
Verb problem
have had
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 the agency to learn if it weren't for
technology
Use synonyms
. If a child needed a degree to be able to navigate the
internet
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, the
internet
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 would have lost its meaning; The
internet
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 is meant for accessibility
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
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 we chose to monitor everyone's every move and put
barracades
Correct your spelling
barriers
 on
information
Use synonyms
, that would be what's dangerous to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, as no one would ever learn from or trust
technology
Use synonyms
 anymore.
Technology
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 is not inherently evil
,
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;
show examples
 how you use it makes it.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear, but your main position could be more direct from the start and stay more steady in all parts.
task response
Task response: You answer the question, but some ideas are too broad. Add one or two more clear and real examples to make your points stronger.
task response
Task response: At times, you discuss technology in general, not only uncontrolled access to information. Keep closer to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear intro, body, and end, which helps the reader follow your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are very long and carry too many ideas. Break them into shorter parts for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple link words like 'first', 'for example', 'however', and 'therefore' more carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: A few points need more direct support. After each main idea, explain it in a simple way and add one example.
task response
Task response: You clearly show your opinion and you keep this view through the essay.
task response
Task response: You try to look at both sides, which gives your answer more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear beginning and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each body paragraph has one main focus, which is good for overall order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the
  • new
  • way
  • to
  • see
  • and
  • tell
  • what
  • people
  • know
  • now
  • can
  • be
  • good
  • but
  • not
  • for
  • with
  • there
  • is
  • no
  • use
  • in
  • more
  • or
  • time
  • many
  • this
  • that
  • they
  • their
  • you
  • your
  • our
  • one
  • two
  • three
  • where
  • how
  • why
  • will
  • into
  • over
  • own
  • all
  • some
  • these
  • them
  • think
  • thing
  • just
  • day
  • year
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