Public holiday celebrations are held by most conutries. Some people say that governmnt should spend money on other useful things! Do you agree or disagree?

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Ceremonies are celebrated throughout the world every year in many countries. Several individuals believe that the government ought to invest in other beneficial things. I completely disagree with
this
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idea since
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this
Correct pronoun usage
it
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might bring a number of benefits in the long run. The main reason for
prioritizing
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prioritising
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festivals is that they can help to
stabilize
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stabilise
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the financial situation through tourism in the
country
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.
That is
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to say, ceremonies
such
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as historical re-enactments or unusual events compel tourists to the
country
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.
For example
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, Japan has a show that includes
people
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role-playing as local heroes from WW2 or sky exhibitions that demonstrate a variety of entertaining shapes that will go viral through internet.
As a result
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, many
people
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intrigued
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are intrigued
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to enjoy
from
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apply
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the closer view
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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gives a motive to visit the
country
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. If it were not for
this
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, the
country
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would be isolated from the open world, which
also
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causes to lacking from developing. That’s why we cannot completely decline public holiday celebrations.
However
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, another notion against
this
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is that
by
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apply
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decreasing the number of public holiday celebrations can give the government a chance to save
a
Correct article usage
apply
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budget for more significant projects.
In other words
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, there are
people
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who are living in poverty in rural areas of the
country
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or
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, or
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there are schools and hospitals
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
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in need of restoration.
For instance
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, in many developed countries
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such
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, such
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as
Finland
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Finland,
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focused its
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the
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budget
towards
Verb problem
is focused on
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educational purposes by spending
least
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the least
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amount of money for negligible things, or
switzerland
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in Switzerland,
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the
most
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apply
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richest
country
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in the world.
Consequently
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,
this
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will increase the financial awareness of the local
people
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in the
country
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, which in turn will diminish poverty.
Thus
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, the reduction of the ceremonies will play
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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role in society. In conclusion, in order to increase the economy and keep up with the pacing world’s speed, public holidays are vital since it provides with money.
Nevertheless
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, allocating the budget towards
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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chief issues is
also
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important
and
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, and
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from my perspective is
that
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apply
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to maintain the balance.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from start to end. You say you fully disagree, but in the end you say balance is best. This changes your answer.
task response
Add ideas that directly answer the question. Explain more why public holidays are worth public money.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more real. Some examples now are hard to trust or not fully linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explain it, then give one strong example.
coherence and cohesion
Link sentences more smoothly. Some lines feel hard to follow because the grammar breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple, clear topic sentences. This will help the reader see your point fast.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give reasons and examples for both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your first body paragraph stays mostly on one main idea: tourism and money.
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