IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that because the Internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In
this
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 modern era, where digital evolution is at its peak, some individuals believe that it has made browsing factual knowledge very simple for
students
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.
Therefore
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, institutions should work
along with
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students
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 to develop soft skills and teach them as a whole to maintain their emotional links with society. I firmly agree with
this
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 notion and will discuss the positive aspects of
this
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 argument in detail here.
To begin
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 with, the main purpose of parents sending their
children
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 to different education centres is learning and developing what is missing in their
children
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 , rather than teaching them how to use the internet for searching facts. In fact, schools and universities are supposed to prepare
students
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 for a better future and to manage their livelihood upon completion of their educational journey.
For instance
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, many schools have adopted a curriculum which is more focused on digital learning. Several surveys show that now
students
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 can better utilise the internet compared to their instructors
but
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, but
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 lack in social behaviour.
Moreover
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, there is a great need for a bigger role from the education sector to enhance interpersonal and intrapersonal skills in
children
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 , which is crucial for their career development. It is important for
children
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 to learn not only scientific knowledge but
also
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 to build strong personality traits which prove a foundation for their later life.
For example
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, how to discipline yourself in certain situations and how to overcome anxiety when there are tough times. Despite
this
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, it is important to know how to navigate the internet for research and factual information
, it
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. It
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 is important for educational institutions to teach their
students
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 about the skills required in their career development and to manage situations in practical life.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You agree, but you should also say a little more about why facts are still needed in school.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear and more full. Some points are good, but a few are too general.
task response
Use more clear and real examples to support your ideas. This will make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more smooth way. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea and then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Write a stronger ending that clearly sums up your view.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start, and you keep the same view in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a short ending.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic and talks about school, skills, and the Internet.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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