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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people feel this is a positive trend while some people feel this is leading to a negative consequences. Discuss both the side and give your opinion.

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Nowadays,
computers
Use synonyms
 are used for educational
purposes
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some
people
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 say
this
Linking Words
 is
merit
Correct article usage
a merit
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others say
this
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 seems to have a drawback
outcome
Check wording
apply
show examples
. I will discuss both views. But, for me,
this
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 can give a opportinuty for
people
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 regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 wealth to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
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 to learn about any subject or course for free. On the one hand,
computers
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 can connect
people
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 with a
lot
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educational
Change preposition
of educational
show examples
 institutions and their
courses
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, regardless of their fees and location. Sometimes, a
lot
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 of barriers can
face
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
people
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 to enter
courses
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 or university they need.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, money when a
lot
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 unvirsities may ask for high fees for their
courses
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. With
this
Linking Words
 comes a location where some
people
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 live.
When sometimes
Correct word choice
Sometimes
show examples
, they need to study
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 course in specific places, but
this
Linking Words
far
Verb problem
is far
show examples
 from them. But both of those
people
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 may have
computers
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. These smart devices have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online search engines
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 allow them to watch
courses
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. These online
courses
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can have the same content
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 offline programs that cost
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a
lot
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 of money. So, if anyone has a
compuer
Correct your spelling
computer
 but
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have money, he might not face any barrier
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning what he
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 now.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who need
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 certification from high ranked college but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
live far from them. Universities
such
Linking Words
 as
Harverd
Correct your spelling
Harvard
 provide online business, managment and other
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 for free. Just have
you are
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 computer and visit their
websities
Correct your spelling
websites
. So,
this
Linking Words
 ensure eductaion treat as a right and
for
Verb problem
is
show examples
 free for anyone from anywhere. They can have it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with all
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
access
Use synonyms
under
Change preposition
for
show examples
 educational
purposes
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 can be harmful for younger
people
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.
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 consider children nowadays may allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
use
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computers
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 under education
purposes
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 in their homes. Those children may not have
these
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 internet
access
Use synonyms
 before
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 new for them. And, from an early age, they may need to discover anything new. So,
computers
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 can provide
this
Linking Words
 for them via internet search engines.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 internet associated with their devices may have unlimited
access
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 unlimited
websities
Correct your spelling
websites
.
Just if
Correct word choice
If
show examples
 they try to
search
Punctuation problem
search,
show examples
 they can enter them.
Unavoidable
Replace the word
Unavoidably
, they can sometimes
use
Use synonyms
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
access
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 for searching randomly without
purpose
Correct article usage
a purpose
show examples
 to discover. Or
worest
Correct your spelling
worst
, they can encounter inappropriate websites for their early age,
such
Linking Words
 as pornography. Which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can give them a
lot
Use synonyms
 of bad and
falses
Replace the word
false
 impressions about life. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 depicts a
lot
Use synonyms
 of unreal images and movies that
conduct
Wrong verb form
are conducted
show examples
 by
proffesionals
Correct your spelling
professional
 directors. They need to addict
ordinery
Correct your spelling
ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 to these movies to make their profits.
while
Linking Words
yonger
Correct your spelling
younger
people
Use synonyms
 do not understand
this
Linking Words
. And they can addict these movies and spend times watch them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their devices.
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they can
use
Use synonyms
 their computer
much
Change preposition
for much
show examples
more time
Check wording
longer periods
show examples
 unsupervised
under
Change preposition
for
show examples
 educational
purposes
Use synonyms
 in front of their parents. In my opinion,
computers
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 for educational
purposes
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 can have a
lot
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 of bad
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. If it
does
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 not
use
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 appropretly, because educational
purposes
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 can be a reason sometimes for parents to let their children
use
Use synonyms
 them more
time
Rephrase
often
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, for
others
Punctuation problem
others,
show examples
 they can allow them to watch and learn about any course they need
free
Punctuation problem
, free
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 charge.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 they can have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
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 to paricipate to any program by
high ranked
Correct your spelling
high-ranked
 universities around the world. So, it has a
lot
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 cotribution to a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 for educational
purposes
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your view is clear, but the bad side is longer and stronger than the good side.
coherence cohesion
Make each main idea very clear at the start of the paragraph. Then add 1 or 2 simple supports only.
coherence cohesion
Use shorter sentences. Some parts are hard to follow because one sentence has too many ideas.
task response
Give clear examples with simple facts. The Harvard example is useful, but explain it in a shorter and clearer way.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, because, so, and as a result.
task response
Keep your opinion the same all through the essay. In your essay, your view changes a little between the start and the end.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used a real example about online study from a well-known university.
coherence cohesion
The main topic in each body paragraph is mostly clear.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Interactive learning
  • Democratization of education
  • Overreliance
  • Screen time
  • Cognitive development
  • Multimedia resources
  • Virtual classrooms
  • Social isolation
  • Physical health concerns
  • Adaptive learning technologies
  • Information accessibility
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