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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Unlike in the past, when strict eligibility criteria made it difficult for young
people
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 to obtain
credit
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cards
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, today they can access them with relative ease and often use
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 daily transactions.
While
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this
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 convenience offers some financial advantages, it
also
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 brings significant risks. In my opinion, the disadvantages of young
people
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's easy access to
credit
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cards
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 outweigh the potential benefits. One major advantage of
credit
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cards
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 is the ease of transactions they offer. With just a single tap, individuals can make purchases conveniently without the need to carry large amounts of cash.
According to
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 a recent survey, about 43% of young
people
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 prefer to use
credit
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cards
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due to
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 practicality and suitability for those who lead active lifestyles.
In addition
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, many
credit
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cards
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also
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 give frequent rewards or promotions
such
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 as cashback or discounts, making purchases more economical.
On the other hand
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,
credit
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cards
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 can bring a serious risk of debt. Young
people
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 often have impulsive spending habits, which make them purchase items without careful consideration.
For instance
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, many
people
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 in their
earlier
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early
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 twenties spend almost half of their monthly expenses on trendy products, despite having insufficient funds.
Consequently
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, the chance of being trapped in long-term debt increases.
Moreover
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,
credit
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cards
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 can hinder young
people
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 from achieving important milestones like purchasing a house, since much of their income goes toward repayments. These drawbacks illustrate how
credit
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cards
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 can undermine young
people
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's long-term financial stability. In conclusion,
credit
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cards
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 indeed provide convenience and benefits.
However
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, the drawbacks, especially long-term debt and harm to financial success, clearly outweigh them.

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flow
Make the idea in each part clearer and link the idea to an example better.
linkage
Use easy links to join ideas so the text reads smoothly.
content
Give stronger and more real examples and say why they prove your point.
grammar
Watch long sentences. Break them into smaller parts so they are easier to read.
strength
Clear view of the topic from the start.
strength
Shows both sides of the issue.
strength
Ends with a clear view of your wish about the result.
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