The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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When it comes to juvenile delinquency, some advocates regard it as something only related to women's liability

while

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others treat the issue as a co-obligation of both. Personally, I am in favour of the latter and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. On the one hand, the traditional stereotype still exists in our society that the father should be the breadwinner of the family

whereas

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the mother must stay at home

as well as

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look after domestic affairs.

For instance

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, housewives have to take responsibility for teaching kids, cooking and tidying up the residence.

Secondly

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, numerous proponents

also

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consider that these housekeepers must undertake the task since they possess more time to get

along with

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youths and it is fair that everyone performs their duties respectively in the household.

In other words

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,taking care of housework and educating correct moral values to youngsters are the primary obligations for females in the family.

On the other hand

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, a majority of people think that both genders should pay attention to parenting. First of all, youngsters are prone to go astray or join gangs if they lack sufficient closeness and are less involved in family activities in the long term;

therefore

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, parents should make a concerted effort to instruct children to distinguish right from wrong.

In addition

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, parents must give adolescents much more emotional and mental support because they would particularly be affected by peer pressure. Most importantly, the young should not be spoilt by their parents and the adult must set codes of conduct to prevent inappropriate behavior. In conclusion, I firmly believe that fathers and mothers share their parenting

as well as

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domestic responsibilities equally regardless of gender or family role.

yuki03270513Mon Aug 19 2024

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task achievement

While the essay effectively addresses the task and provides clear arguments, adding a few more specific examples would strengthen the arguments and provide more evidence to support the points made.

coherence cohesion

Work on transitioning more smoothly between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay. Although the transitions are generally clear, they could be more seamless.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively setting the stage for the argument and summing up the points made.

task achievement

The essay provides balanced arguments that consider different perspectives, which enhances the depth of the discussion.

coherence cohesion

The main points are well-supported and explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

evolution
domestic roles
diverse professional engagements
dual-working parents
family dynamics
juvenile delinquency
societal and economic factors
dual-income households
childcare methods
community support systems
gender roles
family responsibilities
professional aspirations
development needs
correlation
simplistic causation
workplace policies
flexible hours
parental leave
gender equality
role models
successful womanhood

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