IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You child is going on a school trip overseas for week. The Headmaster is looking for parents to join the trip. Write a letter to state that you would like to join it. In your letter: Mention why you would like to join the trip. Ask some general questions about the trip. Mention how you can be helpful

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Dear Sir, I am
Rahul
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Rahul's
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 parent
of mr
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apply
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. Sanjay
who
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, who
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 is one of
students
Correct article usage
the students
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 in your esteemed
institutioon
Correct your spelling
institution
. I am
writng
Correct your spelling
writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to
infrorm
Correct your spelling
inform
 you regarding my willingness in joining towards the overseas
tip
Use the right word
trip
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 arranged
from
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by
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 the school for the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 next week As my child is going
to
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on
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 the
trip
Use synonyms
, I am very excited to care
them
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for them
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 as well
and
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, and
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 I am feeling very proud to let my son
to
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apply
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move
on
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apply
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overseas. Because
,
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apply
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 I could not go
to
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apply
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abroad so far. So, I
bilieve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that if I get an opportunity to go with my dear
kids
Punctuation problem
kids,
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then
Linking Words
 I can take care of them diligently and soothingly
Moreover
Linking Words
, I would like to
enqure regaeding
Correct your spelling
inquire regarding
this
Linking Words
trip
Use synonyms
. I have only knowledge about
this
Linking Words
trip
Use synonyms
 on the basis of
my
Correct pronoun usage
what my
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 son told me. So, I could not get the actual purpose of
this
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trip
Use synonyms
. So, could you give the details of the
trip
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including
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, including
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 the exact date of travelling and the details of
Correct article usage
the package
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package
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package,
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 to
whome given
Correct pronoun usage
whom
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 the food and accommodation facilities arrangement
.
Verb problem
is given.
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 In that
way
Add a comma
way,
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 I can prepare myself to treat the students as well. I look forward to hearing from you yours faithfully rahul

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task response
Answer all parts more clearly. Ask 2 or 3 clear questions about time, place, cost, and plan.
task response
Use a more formal tone. Write 'I am the parent of Sanjay' and avoid very personal reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your letter easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like 'First', 'Also', and 'Finally' to join ideas.
task response
You wrote about why you want to join, asked questions, and said how you can help.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear opening and ending, so the reader can follow it.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • educational experience
  • personal interest
  • itinerary
  • accommodation
  • roles and responsibilities
  • safety measures
  • emergency procedures
  • medical and disciplinary issues
  • first aid certification
  • language proficiency
  • volunteer experience
  • group management
  • supervision
  • schedule adherence
  • pre-trip preparations
  • post-trip follow-up
  • photo sharing
  • event recap
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