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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today many people work until a later age.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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At present, most senior individuals prefer to do a job , and in my point of view, there are more merits compared to its demerits. I will discuss both the pros and cons of working in older
age
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 and will try to explain why there are more benefits than drawbacks.
Firstly
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, when older
people
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 continue performing in their respective fields, it gives them a chance to transfer their knowledge and experience to youngsters and new joiners. In
this
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 way, not only are years of lessons learned transferred to a new
generation
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 , but
also
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 their hard work comes in use.
Secondly
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, there is a huge advantage of expert individuals remaining in the business, preventing a physical resources shortfall.
For instance
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,
although
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 there is a shortage of youth in the Japanese labour market, their old
generation
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 is still functional , which helps the country in keeping the balance.
Furthermore
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, performing different tasks at business places keeps the senior
people
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 busy and
thus
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 reduces anxiety and frustration amongst them.
Therefore
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, most Japanese are in their elderly
age
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 , physically fit and active.
On the contrary
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, there are a few negative effects of working until old
age
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. When
people
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 get older, they may face physical and mental health issues.
As a result
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, they lose their stamina and get frustrated with simple tasks. A full-time job, like in contraction industry or in healthcare, may be difficult for them.
Moreover
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, if old
people
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 perform their duties as senior employees in an organisation for many years, the probability of promotion for new talent may be reduced. It causes frustration and unemployment among youth. In conclusion, it is true that at a certain
age
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people
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 should give some quality time to themselves or to their new
generation
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, but it is more important to continue their profession. Being a source of expertise and best knowledge, if it is drained out without proper transfer to the next
generation
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, it will be a total waste.
Therefore
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, we can say that it is more beneficial if senior citizens continue working and providing guidance to their juniors

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first part. Say clearly that the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Explain some ideas more fully. For example, say more about why work helps old people stay active and how it helps companies.
task response
Use more exact examples and make them shorter and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and grammar in linking sentences, because small errors make the flow less clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view.
task response
You use a real country example, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like firstly, secondly, moreover, and in conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • experience
  • skills
  • benefit
  • employers
  • colleagues
  • active
  • healthy
  • physically
  • mentally
  • social
  • connections
  • relationships
  • stress
  • fatigue
  • financial
  • reasons
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