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Writing Samples
Band 5

The internet is amazing and has changed the way people live. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet

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The world is very different today, and
that is
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 because of technology. The
internet
Use synonyms
 has
rastically
Correct your spelling
radically
 changed the world and how people live. Many people use it constantly.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
Use synonyms
. On one hand,
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 has
multi
Correct word choice
multiple
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 positive impacts on our lifestyle. Communication comes at the top of
list
Correct article usage
the list
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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benefits’ list
Check wording
benefits
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. People use
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 nowadays to
communication
Replace the word
communicate
 with each other without any
hesitations
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hesitation
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,
for example
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, a mother can get in touch with her son who is studying overseas without any extra tools but the handy mobile she
has already
Correct word order
already has
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.
In addition
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. Contacting a company to ask for home appliance repair became
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 function via e-commerce platforms and
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
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 number of e-service applications.
Last
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 but not least, Education is another advantage which is booming fast.
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 became a solid foundation for new methods for learning skills
improvement
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apply
show examples
.
Such
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 as, leacturers uses
Internet
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 to receive
home works
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homework
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 from students
,
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;
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furthermore
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, using it to transfer data to computers via mobile devices directly to the
lap
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laptop
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 in order to generate certain results. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, there is another side of
internet
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 usage which is
negative
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the negative
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 effects.
Time consuming
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Time-consuming
 is a massive disadvantage;
thus
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, addiction illness starts to show up on current generation.
For example
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, online gaming not only
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
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 teenagers' time
whereas
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 it effects negatively on studying performance. Cost is
also
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 another issue here. Higher connection speed is
overkilling
Wrong verb form
overkill
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 for mid-range income families.
For instance
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, 10Gbs cost $1700,
while
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average
Correct article usage
the average
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 mid-range
families'
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family's
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 income is from $2500 to $3000 monthly. Not to forget here, risking personal information is another global argument
,
Punctuation problem
;
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as a result
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,
Internet
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 users are always under threat of security attack by scammers or hackers. In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
Use synonyms
 is a modern invention that possesses multiple advantages.
However
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, it must be mentioned that there are some serious problems and disadvantages that must be addressed.

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task response
For task response, you answer both sides, so this is good. But some ideas are not fully clear. Try to explain each main point in a simpler and more direct way.
task response
For task response, some examples help, but a few are not strong or fully natural. Use one clear example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, advantages, disadvantages, conclusion. This is a good start.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, but a few are not correct or natural. Use simple links like first, also, for example, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the order of ideas is not always smooth. Put one main idea in each sentence and keep related ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph about advantages has many ideas. It would be better to explain fewer ideas more clearly.
task response
You clearly discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you answer the main question.
task response
You give examples such as family contact, study, gaming, cost, and online safety. This supports your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has all main parts: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay moves in a logical way from good points to bad points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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