IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below show the site of a school in 2004 and the plan for the changes to the school site in 2024

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The
two
Use synonyms
 maps illustrate the comparisons between the original school territory in 2004 and
proposed
Correct article usage
the proposed
show examples
 draft of alterations planned for 2024.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 addition of a new school building
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will allow
to
Change preposition
for an
show examples
 increase
student
Change preposition
in student
show examples
 capacity from 600 to
1000
Punctuation problem
1000,
show examples
 is the most prominent change in the 2024 layout. The
two
Use synonyms
 structures could facilitate the learning process of 600 pupils, but the construction of a new one
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 allow extra 400 learners to attend the school.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the path connecting
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 entrance and
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
 pitch will link the
two
Use synonyms
 original buildings together.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as the sports field made way for the third building, it was relocated to a southern area,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it decreased in size. Adding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another parking area will parallel the new building
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 car parks will be linked together by a new road.
Finally
Linking Words
, no changes are planned for the main entrance and the original car park.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words two with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: