IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some argue that schools should prioritize life skills such as working in teams and solving problems instead of traditional academics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years, it has been observed that
schools
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 should focus more on soft
skills
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 rather than traditional subjects.
Although
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 some advocates argue that
this
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 is a waste of
students
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' time, I strongly agree with the idea that
schools
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 should prioritise non-academic
skills
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instead
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 of traditional
study
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.
This
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 essay will examine the extent to which
this
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 is necessary;
in addition
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, it will consider other significant reasons,
such
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 as obtaining a well-paid job in the
future
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 and enhancing
students
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'
personalities
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. A major argument in favour of
this
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 perspective is that
this
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 approach helps young people to obtain a rewarding job in the
future
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.
This
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 means that when
schools
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 offer at least one class per week to teach learners soft
skills
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,
students
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 will be ready for the working environment. PPO School is a prime example;
this
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 institution offers non-academic sessions with fees to those who are interested in elevating their CVs for the
future
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.
Consequently
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, those who graduate from
this
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 school have numerous opportunities compared to those who did not take any extracurricular activities. Another fundamental reason is that focusing on
life
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skills
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 aids learners in developing various aspects of their
personalities
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. In fact, when
students
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study
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 in effective
schools
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 that focus more on
life
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skills
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, their parents see a massive change in their
personalities
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, especially
confidence
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in confidence
show examples
. A
study
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 published by New York University concluded that 87% of those who took
life
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skills
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 noticed a 50% decrease in their shyness, which was significantly lower than before. In conclusion, I firmly believe that emphasising
life
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skills
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 is more beneficial than academic
study
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, because it helps in securing a job in the
future
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 and developing different parts of their
personalities
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.

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task response
Make your answer fit the question more closely. The topic asks about life skills like team work and problem solving, but your ideas stay too general.
task response
Show the extent of your view more clearly. You say you strongly agree, but you do not really explain why traditional subjects should be less important.
task response
Add more direct and real examples. Some examples feel unclear or not fully believable, so they do not strongly support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match the main question better. This will make each body paragraph feel more focused.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a bit more before giving the example.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and keep it the same to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prioritize
  • Life skills
  • Traditional academics
  • Teamwork
  • Problem-solving
  • Holistic education
  • Real-world challenges
  • Soft skills
  • Intellectual growth
  • Balanced education
  • Comprehensive skill set
  • Core subjects
  • Vocational training
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