Some people think that success is the best measure for intelligence, while others think that intelligence can be measured in other ways.

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A significant number of individuals consider that a high IQ can be justified only by
success
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.
However
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, it seems to me that intelligence is not something that can be represented only by achieving a goal, because
success
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is influenced by numerous factors beyond just mental ability. Another reason
,
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is that plenty
humans
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of humans
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with
a
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great brain power, who despite their high intelligence, did not earn progress and prosperity.
Firstly
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,
success
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should not be seen as the best measure of mental capacity, because external factors,
such
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as social connections and luck, can play a significant role in an individual’s achievements. Victory and wealth do not always depend on
human’s
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human
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abilities. It can
also
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be influenced by opportunities, timing, and the people around them. Many individuals with high intelligence may not achieve
success
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due to
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circumstances,
such
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as limited resources or lack of connections.
For example
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, Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple, is recognized for his innovation.
However
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, his early career was not marked by traditional academic progress. Jobs dropped out of college and faced several failures in his career before achieving
prosperousness
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prosperity
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.
This
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proves that
success
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can be shaped by various details beyond intellectual ability.
Secondly
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, an
encreasing
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increasing
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number of people do not
understant
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understand
the complexity of brilliance and many aspects that contribute to it. Brain power
,
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includes various types of abilities, beyond
achievments
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achievements
achievement
and wealth,
such
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as problem-solving, and
the
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apply
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most important creativity. These
apspects
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aspects
may not always lead to riches, but they highlight a unique and talented mind.
For instance
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, Van Gogh, one of history’s most celebrated painters, struggled with poverty and was unknown during his lifetime,
while
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the ingenuity and imagination in his work had a lasting impact on art, demonstrating that a high mental capacity goes beyond
succes
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success
.
To conclude
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, brilliance is far more complex, encompassing various emotional abilities that go beyond wealth.
In addition
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,
success
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should not be viewed as
individual’s
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an individual’s
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intellectual capacity, because many other factors contribute to
underline
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underlining
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someone’s cleverness.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents the main idea, but it could be improved by directly stating your thesis at the end for clarity. Make sure to clearly outline your stance on the issue to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay flows logically, consider using more varied linking phrases to enhance the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer with simpler constructions, as complex sentences may obscure your main ideas. Aim for clarity while still showcasing your vocabulary.
task achievement
Your examples are well-chosen and relevant, specifically the references to Steve Jobs and Van Gogh, which effectively illustrate your points about intelligence beyond success.
coherence and cohesion
The argument structure is strong, with clear main points and logical supporting details. You present a balanced view that shows consideration of different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • measure
  • intelligence
  • success
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • emotional intelligence
  • creativity
  • practical skills
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • capabilities
  • potential
  • privilege
  • correlate
  • hard work
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