IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

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There is no denying the fact that experiments should be done to discover new medicines,
while
Linking Words
 there is an argument that it should not involve
animals
Use synonyms
, and some people feel it is helpful for humans.
so
Fix capitalization
So
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 it is justified because we can not do it to humans
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that will not affect the
animals
Use synonyms
 with pain. So it is controversial to say we would kill a bird to find something interesting, but it is more acceptable if we say we can save a soul after the death of
this
Linking Words
 bird
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For example
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, finding the treatment
of
Change preposition
for
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 high fever is dangerous to induce a
fatus
Correct your spelling
fetus
. Rather than that, we can start with the same condition to
bird
Check wording
birds
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 and experment the bills ,
then
Linking Words
 after many approval process the child can be healed with
this
Linking Words
 new treatment. Meanwhile reaserch approved that AI can detect any wrong experiment befor even starts. On top of that,
this
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 technology nowadays can predict the effect of new inventions of any medical treatment,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
as well as
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 the
benefit
Check wording
benefits
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 and side effects if we use it in
animals
Use synonyms
. It is considered to be valuable for the growth of science. In summary, it is much easier to lose other spieches life rather than
sacrificing
Wrong verb form
sacrifice
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 a human being. To get the best outcomes from any invention , it has to be seen in action.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is careful consideration for the
animals
Use synonyms
 to be saved and have no pain during the experimentation to be smooth , even if it will end with the death of the animal.

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task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Say yes or no to animal tests, then give clear other ways.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas easier to follow. One paragraph should have one main point only.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your bird and child example is not easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and finally.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are too short, so the reader cannot fully see your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and paragraph flow, so each idea grows in a natural way.
task response
You answered the main topic and gave a view about animal testing.
task response
You included an alternative, which is AI, so you tried to answer both parts.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words like meanwhile, in summary, and moreover.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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