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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

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While
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 today, it is becoming common among individuals to throw away
things
Use synonyms
 which are broken and buy new ones, in past,
people
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 tried to fix and use again. The main driving factors behind
this
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 are a lack of skills related to fixing and the cost of new instruments.
This
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trend
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 has far-reaching consequences for the environment and the
quality
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 of products. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are lazy and not aware of useful skills
such
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 as repairing broken
things
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. It is
also
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 derived from a busy schedule and less time which
people
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 have today. Learning how
fix
Verb problem
to fix
show examples
things
Use synonyms
 is seemed unnecessary skill for individuals.
However
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, when
people
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 repair
things
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 which are broken, it is beneficial for problem-solving skills.
I
Correct determiner usage
A
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 clear example is in China,
children
Correct word choice
where children
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 are taught to fix
things
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 which they break at a very young age in kinder garden.
Second,
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the price of new
items
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 is becoming
cheap
Replace the word
cheaper
. It is more convenient for
people
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 to buy new ones than to spend their time and effort fixing
things
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. Sometimes, repairing broken
items
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 is expensive. Discarding broken equipment led to challenges which are hard to tackle. The first problem which derived from it is environmental damage. Most of
items
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 are consisted harmful chemicals and elements.
For instance
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, in India,
people
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 used to throw away
things
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 regardless of the component of the item. What is the serious issue derived from
this
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trend
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 is the decline in the
quality
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 of products. Industries prioritise the number and cost
instead
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 of
quality
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.
For example
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,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 many industrial fabric manufacturing mills manufacture billions of
items
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,
Correct word choice
but
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the
quality
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 of the product is shoddy.
To sum up
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,
people
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 used to throw away broken
things
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.
This
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trend
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 has arisen from a lack of
skillfulness
Replace the word
skill
 in repairing and fixing
things
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.
With
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
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trend
Use synonyms
becoming
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 common,
it led
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to some environmental and marketing problems.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people throw things away, but the problems part needs a bit more depth.
task response
Make each main idea clearer. Add one short sentence to explain how each cause or problem works.
task response
Use examples that fit the point very clearly. Some examples are general and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Organize each body paragraph with one clear topic idea, then explanation, then example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some sentences do not connect smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some lines are hard to follow, and this affects flow.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give causes and problems, which shows clear planning.
coherence and cohesion
You use some examples to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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