IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work- based training instead of attending university. Do advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

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Nowadays,there are more young
people
Use synonyms
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
show examples
 to
choose
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enrol
Use synonyms
 in work- based training
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
university
Use synonyms
 in some countries.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some drawbacks of choose
enrol
Use synonyms
 in work- based training
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
university
Use synonyms
,I would argue that there are far more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. On one hand,
for the
Change preposition
a
show examples
 person who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a particular skill can join the high-level professional of works faster and easier than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 student who
graduation
Replace the word
graduated
 from
university
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,for the company,they can pay less money or time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the young
people
Use synonyms
 who
enrol
Use synonyms
 in work-based training.It seems beneficial for both young
people
Use synonyms
 who choose
Use synonyms
enrol
Verb problem
to enrol
show examples
 in work- based training and companies.But for
this
Linking Words
 kind of young
people
Use synonyms
,they
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
can
do
Rephrase
only do
show examples
 very simple job all about the skills they learned during work-based
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
training
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that their choice of career path
can
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not as vast as
the student
Fix the agreement mistake
that of students
show examples
 who graduate from
university
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,it is true that young
people
Use synonyms
 who attend
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 have more choices after they graduate from school
,they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 not only
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 about a
kind
Check wording
variety
show examples
 of
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
,
they can learn the knowledge more comprehensive
Correct word order
but also gain more comprehensive knowledge
show examples
 in
university
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that they can try different domains. For some companies,they prefer
use
Verb problem
to use
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who graduated from
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
,even
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 ,but not
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 strong specific
.
Check wording
skills.
show examples
Overall
Linking Words
, I support that
Use synonyms
enrol
Wrong verb form
enrolling
show examples
 in work-based training
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
university
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more advantages than disadvantages cause no matter
about
Change preposition
what
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
’s education background
,they
Verb problem
is,they
show examples
 still have the same target-find the job and make money,so I think
Use synonyms
enrol
Wrong verb form
enrolling
show examples
 in work-based training is a functional way,so I agree that
advantages more
Correct word order
it has more advantages
show examples
 than attending
university
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. Some ideas are too short or not clear enough.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear topic sentence at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas in a simpler way. Some linking is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph. Do not mix too many points together.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which fits the task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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