IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, shopping is the most common activity for some young people. Why is this so? Is it a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, the number of young people into shopping has increased
due to
Linking Words
 the emergence of advanced
technology
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I think it is a great development for both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and businesses. On one hand,shopping is the most satisfying
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 to most people,and
due to
Linking Words
 the evaluation of the era,the
busniesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
 are developing to
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 up with the times and the key contributer with
this
Linking Words
 rapid development is the advanced
technology
Use synonyms
.Nowadays the companies are using multiple methods to advertise their products through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different kinds of platforms so
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 can reach everyone
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as social media, video ads and promotions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,online shopping made it easier and less
time consuming
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
 for individuals to shop at any time.
Moreover
Linking Words
,I think it is a significant development that positively
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 the individual and the businesses to be more productive .From the business point of view,
this
Linking Words
 will dramatically increase sells and
expand
Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
show examples
 the segments of the
potintal
Correct your spelling
potential
 consumer
while
Linking Words
 improving productivity and efficiency.
Technology
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 shaped
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 for
individual
Check wording
individuals
show examples
 with the emergence of AI that
consumer
Check wording
consumers
show examples
 now rely on to hunt for the best prices and check store availability
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 even more,with the enhanced
algorithim
Correct your spelling
algorithm
 and based on your past search and purchasing history,AI can
predect
Correct your spelling
predict
 your needs and wants with a tailored product recommendation. In conclusion,the advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 was the reason why
thesedays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
 shopping is increasing and
conequently
Correct your spelling
consequently
,
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to higher
profit
Check wording
profits
show examples
 for the business and better
choicies
Correct your spelling
choices
 for individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why young people shop a lot, and say more clearly why you think it is good or bad.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph, and explain it step by step.
task response
Give one real and simple example, not only general ideas about technology and business.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way, like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some ideas are good, but they are hard to understand because the sentence is too long or not clear.
task response
You answered the question and gave a clear opinion that this is a positive development.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use topic words well, such as technology, online shopping, business, and social media.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: