The government should spend more money supporting the arts, while others think funding should go on healthcare and education. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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There are ongoing heated debates revolving around the importance of
arts
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the arts
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for society. It is considered by some that the government’s budget should be allocated towards preserving cultural entities rather than on
healthcare
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and
education
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sectors.
While
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cultural and historical enrichment is
integral
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an integral
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part of any culture and nation,
this
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essay supports the idea that
majority
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the majority
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of the investments should be directed
upon
Change preposition
towards
show examples
education
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and
healthcare
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. Those who prioritise the development of
arts
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the arts
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in
the
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their
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countries argue that it provides several benefits. One of the main advantages is that exposure to artistic productions teaches humans a lot about
the
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apply
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history and culture.
As a result
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,
this
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will increase the feeling of patriotism in people towards their nation. Knowing where your roots come from is a very important stage in understanding your identity
and
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, and
show examples
art
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is a great tool for that.
Moreover
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, through
the
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apply
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exposure to
arts
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the arts
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, people can learn a lot about empathy, understanding and kindness. From
centuries
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century
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to
centuries
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century
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,
art
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was a tool to narrate the stories and to offer a third perspective on things. By having a look from
external
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an external
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pov increases the hypothalamus in our brain,
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that
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which
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is responsible for emotional intelligence.
On the other hand
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, even
education
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and
healthcare
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though
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, though
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these are bare minimum basic human necessities
still
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, still
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operate at a very low level in some countries. remain to be an open
gaps
Fix the agreement mistake
gap
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for improvements.
Therefore
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, in these cases, all the funds
needs
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need
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to be allocated for
development
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the development
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of these sectors, since they comprise a major segment of the
life
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lives
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of citizens. set the baseline for the blossoming of the state. A
well developed
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well-developed
healthcare
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system will increase the average lifespan of residents, which
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as
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, as
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a result, will positively impact the demography of the country.
In addition
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, there will be more skilled and qualified professionals
,
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apply
show examples
if
education
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will be
Wrong verb form
is
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advanced. The more skilled the workforce is, the more potential there is for a country to improve. In conclusion,
although
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some believe that
art
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should get more support, others support the prioritisation of
Use synonyms
education
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the education
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and
healthcare
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sectors. Both views are valid
,
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;
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however
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, I am personally more inclined to the idea that
art
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is not as important as literacy and
health
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the health
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of the citizens.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your view is clear, but the side for art needs a bit more full support.
task response
Give one real and clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are hard to follow. Use shorter and clearer sentences.
coherence cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'as a result'.
coherence cohesion
Check paragraph flow. A few lines have grammar problems, so the meaning is not always clear.
task response
You answered the full question and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Main ideas about art, health, and education are relevant to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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