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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the future all cars, busses, and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the future, almost all means of
transport
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 will be automated by Artificial Intelligence , and
therefore
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, there’ll be no need for drivers inside the car.
Although
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 driverless
transport
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 sounds appealing in concept
due to
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 the speed and safety that it provides, I strongly believe that the disadvantages
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such
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, such
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 as the rise of the unemployment rate that these vehicles might cause
far
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, far
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 outweigh any advantage. One supporting argument for automated vehicles is that it is very safe. Even though it is commonly believed that machines are unpredictable, these types of cars operate under very known patterns.
In other words
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, the programs of these cars have a set of rules, and machines will never go against these rules. Meaning that, well-trained algorithms will guarantee safety on the road , unlike human drivers who tend to deviate from rules.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the statistics, 50% of road accidents happen because of drunk driving.
On the other hand
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, driverless cars reduce the demand for human drivers.
As a result
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, there will be a risk that AI will fully replace humans.
This
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 means that the rate of unemployment will increase , and it will negatively impact the
economy of the country
Correct word order
country's economy
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.
In addition
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, human driving still offers more flexibility. One good example could be that one can always ask a driver to make stops or change the route
,
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;
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however
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, in AI
transport
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,
this
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 process will be complicated. In conclusion, automated driving has its own benefits , like safety, but
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 still outweigh them. The reason for
that is
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 that there is a huge risk that AI will fully replace the human workforce
which
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, which
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 carries a burden to the global economy.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that driverless
transport
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 is negatively impacting the world.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear in each body part. In body 1, say more clearly why safety is a big plus. In body 2, explain more how job loss would be large and long term.
task response
Use more direct examples. The drunk driving example is good, but the second body part needs a more real and clear example too.
task response
Your position is clear, but you can compare the two sides more fully before saying why one side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it better, link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not fully smooth or are broken by extra commas. Shorter and cleaner sentences will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and then support it with one or two clear points.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You include both advantages and disadvantages, which fits the task well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like although, on the other hand, and in conclusion help guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • human error = mistakes made by people
  • road safety = how safe the roads are
  • self-driving vehicle = a vehicle that drives itself
  • passenger = a person who travels in a car, bus, or train but does not drive
  • traffic flow = the movement of cars on roads
  • reduce accidents = make the number of accidents lower
  • save time = use time in a better way
  • lose jobs = no longer have work
  • safety risk = danger to people’s safety
  • software problem = a problem in the computer system
  • be hacked = be attacked by criminals through a computer system
  • follow rules = obey rules
  • public trust = people’s belief that something is safe and good
  • outweigh = be greater than
  • in the long term = over a long time
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