IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say the government should give healthcare the first priority, some others believe there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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I firmly argue that the
government
Use synonyms
 should provide healthcare
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 first priority because
people
Use synonyms
's well-being is considered essential,
whereas
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 other areas,
such
Linking Words
 as the
transportation
Use synonyms
 system, over healthcare to improve the
life quality of
Correct word order
quality of life in
show examples
 the country. On the one hand, the ministry should invest in
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 sector. Medicines and medical technology cost too much
while
Linking Words
 citizens struggle
with affording
Wrong verb form
to afford
show examples
 them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should offer medicines and improve the medical technology to
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 society.
For example
Linking Words
, to heal from cancer, the patient must pay
too much
Correct determiner usage
a lot of
show examples
 money to cure
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it.
However
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
 invests in medical services,
people
Use synonyms
 should not suffer from medical costs.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others think that the
government
Use synonyms
 should invest in other areas,
such
Linking Words
 as the
transportation
Use synonyms
 system. If the
government
Use synonyms
 invests in the
transportation
Use synonyms
 sector,
they
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 will solve the overcrowding issue. Many
people
Use synonyms
 use their private vehicles to drive to their destination, but they experience
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic congestion during rush hour.
However
Linking Words
,
transportation
Use synonyms
 issues are not urgent compared to
humans'
Check wording
human
show examples
 health. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many civilians think that the
transportation
Use synonyms
 network should be improved by the
government
Use synonyms
, medical services are considered the first priority for the
government
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the importance of
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
show examples
 health.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. The side about health is clearer than the side about transport.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear line from start to end. You do this, but you can make it stronger in the body too.
task response
Add more clear support for each main point. One more reason or one more real example would help.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some parts link well, but a few ideas feel a bit fast or not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word choice and grammar problems because they can make the line of thought less clear.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main view is easy to see: health should come first.
coherence and cohesion
You use some clear linking words like On the one hand, Nevertheless, and In conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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