IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, people would purchase their needs from huge shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 rather
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then
Use the right word
than
show examples
 small local
shops
Use synonyms
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 offer a
vareity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
merchandises
Check wording
merchandise
show examples
 and mixed prices on the products. Some goods are listed
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a fair price
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some of them are a bit expensive.
This
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 phenomenon has caused some local
shops
Use synonyms
 to close their businesses since they cannot compete
large
Change preposition
with large
show examples
 shopping centres. The positive effects are that Customers shopping from
large scale
Correct your spelling
large-scale
 shopping centres even buy a basic
nessecity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 from the grocery
malls
Use synonyms
 because the chain stores there have a wider variety of items compared to small local
shops
Use synonyms
.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, individuals prefer to choose their merchandise among a wider range
instead
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 of purchasing from a narrow range of items at a higher price that are available in A small store.
However
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, the negative effects of
this
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 development are that the widespread establishment of large shopping stores can ruin the business of small markets in the area because in a small market
area
Punctuation problem
area,
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 if a shopping centre is
built
Punctuation problem
built,
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 the local
shops
Use synonyms
 near the centre or in that area would be badly effected leading to
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 customers because
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
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 first priority will be travelling to
malls
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
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, small business closures mean that those sellers can not support their families and make a living properly anymore.
To sum up
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, regarding the higher tendency of people
for buying
Wrong verb form
to buy
show examples
 from large retail and chain stores
instead
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 of their own local markets, it has been a positive development, yet owners of small markets have faced a great loss regarding their career based on the reasons mentioned above.

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task response
For task response, give a more clear answer early. You say it is positive, but much of the essay talks about bad effects. Make your main view strong in all parts.
task response
For task response, explain why the positive side is stronger than the negative side. Now both sides are present, but the balance is not fully clear.
task response
For task response, add one short real life example. This will make your ideas more full and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part form: intro, 2 body parts, and end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some links are good, like However and Consequently, but some sentences are long and hard to follow. Try shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some ideas repeat, like wide range and better price. Group close ideas in one place and develop them once.
task response
You answer the full question and talk about both positive and negative sides.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear, and each body part has one main focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumer behavior
  • shop locally
  • convenience
  • variety
  • economic growth
  • job creation
  • community
  • personal touch
  • small businesses
  • local economy
  • big corporations
  • dependence
  • shopping habits
  • urbanization
  • globalization
  • competition
What to do next:
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