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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the income and expenditure of Harckley Hall, a public place for hiring over the period of three years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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This
Linking Words
 table illustrates the revenue and expenses that occur during the three
years
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 public hall of Harckley. Notably, there are three
years
Use synonyms
 with all the sources of
income
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, expenses and profit as a final figure.
Overall
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, there was a trend of profit that marginally decreased rapidly from
year
Use synonyms
 1 to
year
Use synonyms
 3.
In contrast
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, there was
an increase in expenditure dramatically
Correct word order
a dramatic increase in expenditure
show examples
between
years
Use synonyms
 1 and 2. Notably, total
income
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 fluctuated slightly over the same period from
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1 to 3. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
years
Use synonyms
 1 to 3 , which received
income
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 from hiring rooms and funding from other sources , revenue generation was successful , and it climbed
up from each
Change preposition
by
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 approximately 1000 of
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, funding from the local council remained stable
income
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 as 22,000
pounds
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 respectively in
year
Use synonyms
 1 and
year
Use synonyms
 2.
Moreover
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, funding from other sources positively increased their
income
Use synonyms
 from 24,000 to 25,000 in
year
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 1 to 2 and
then
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finally
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 went up to 27,000
pounds
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.
Whereas
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, yearly profit dropped from 27,500 to 25,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
years
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 1 to 2 , and
also
Linking Words
at the end
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 it was 22,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 in
year
Use synonyms
 3.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, income, year, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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