IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has changed the world and how people live. Many people believe that the internet causes problems for both the individual and society. To what extent do you agree?

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Noticeably, the
internet
Use synonyms
 became the most tools both society and individuals
relay
Use the right word
rely
show examples
 on,
therefore
Linking Words
, it changes the
living
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
way.
Such
Linking Words
 important technology indeed had some damages
along with
Linking Words
 it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, some other benefits too.
This
Linking Words
 essay will partially agree on the problems caused by the
internet
Use synonyms
 and review the good
side
Use synonyms
 of it. On the one hand, I agree because the
internet
Use synonyms
 generates few
side
Use synonyms
 effects on
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, addiction is one of the
side
Use synonyms
 effects,
for instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 spend tremendous time playing online games, surfing useless websites, or engaging with worthless social
application
Check wording
applications
show examples
. The time
waste
Wrong verb form
wasted
show examples
 here is the main result of
such
Linking Words
 involvement,
hence
Linking Words
, it will have
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
show examples
 impact on individuals’ study,
moreover
Linking Words
, doing homework.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Personality is under threat by letting unauthentic knowledge interfere with principles without any filter or monitoring,
as a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 interference will collapse the knowledge foundation
for
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 long run.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, by
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
 the
word
Punctuation problem
word,
show examples
 the users will be
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 target for
security
Correct article usage
a security
show examples
 attack or hunted by hackers,
therefore
Linking Words
, personal information is always exposed to the public.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, no one can deny that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has its beneficial
side
Use synonyms
 too. Society development is a massive sigh by implementing digital
solution
Check wording
solutions
show examples
 to enhance the lifestyle.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 good example of
this
Linking Words
 enhancement is paperless state services, where you can finish most of
governmental
Correct article usage
the governmental
show examples
 job by basic mobile devices.
Additionally
Linking Words
, integrating
internet
Use synonyms
 platforms into
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 industry
boosting
Wrong verb form
boosts
show examples
 its quality. Nowadays teacher can receive assignments by email and report
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 immediately.
Finally
Linking Words
, e-commerce
which facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
show examples
 the way
people
Use synonyms
 buy their needs from the market at home rather than
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the store physically. In conclusion, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 two sides of the moon
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Imposing the bright
side
Use synonyms
 of it is wiser than discovering the dark
side
Use synonyms
 of it. The
internet
Use synonyms
 is not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exceptional here. The beneficial applications of the
internet
Use synonyms
 become essential in life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it will grow more. The
internet
Use synonyms
 has changed the world and how
people
Use synonyms
 live. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
 causes problems for both the individual and society. To what extent do you agree?

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task response
Give a more clear answer to the question. Say how far you agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Some points are too broad, so the reader cannot fully see your meaning.
task response
Use more exact examples to support each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct. Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and natural way. Some linking words are used too much or in the wrong place.
coherence cohesion
Check the order of ideas in each paragraph. Some sentences do not flow well from one to the next.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the essay feels complete.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use some examples like online games, state services, and e-commerce.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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