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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
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It is sometimes argued that
parents
Use synonyms
 can effectively plan their children’s free time
activities
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 thanks to their experience and maturity.
However
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, I am of the opinion that letting them be more autonomous better nurtures their inborn talents. On the one hand,
parents
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 are well-positioned to decide on the most productive leisure
activities
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.
However
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, not all
parents
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 are well-versed in pedagogical skills
as well as
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 in-depth knowledge about particular subjects.
For example
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,
parents
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 always guide their children's
activities
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 to facilitate prestigious
such
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 as medicine, law, or business.
As a result
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, many young people would become dependent on their
parents
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. At the same time, they would have no chance in order to explore their natural talents during their childhood.
On the other hand
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, I believe that freedom of choice enables children to develop their unique talents. The majority of young people opt for
activities
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 that fascinate them intrinsically. A good model is that Cenda, a professional football person , was allowed to follow his own interests, exploring the most skilled and specialized methods in nature during his childhood.
Consequently
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, he is well-known across the globe and he earns millions of dollars thanks to his unique skills.
This
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 means that
parents
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 should choose what to do in their spare time. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 might be capable of making more informed selections, children should be made free to follow their own interests. In my opinion,
parents
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 ought to allow kids to juggle multiple roles in diverse settings to organically identify potential personal and professional passions.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that this idea is fully developed and elaborated upon with specific examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices effectively to help sentences and paragraphs flow together smoothly, and avoid repetitiveness by using synonyms and paraphrasing effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the task prompt by providing a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal stance. Expand your response to cover each aspect in sufficient depth.
task achievement
Enhance clarity by organizing ideas and examples in a logical manner, and ensure that each point directly supports your overall argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to the points you are making. Avoid generic or unclear references that do not add value to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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