IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, some wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 often send
poor
Correct word order
money to poor countries
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
, yet
this
Linking Words
 does not lead to solving poverty drastically.
This
Linking Words
 is why developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should support these poor
countries
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 in other ways,
instead
Linking Words
 of
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 aid.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 opinion has both upsides and downsides, I agree with it for the following reasons.  First of all, we cannot deny the fact that it is the simplest way for rich
countries
Use synonyms
 to give
money
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 poor
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there are
flocks of
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 ways to solve these issues,
such
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 as constructing new buildings, teaching the new technology and so on.
However
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, it could be
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
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 for supportive
countries
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 since it would take a long time and need tons of people.
Also
Linking Words
, I believe that these kind
countries
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 do not have to take
responsibilities
Check wording
responsibility
show examples
 to do so.
In contrast
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,
this
Linking Words
 trend may lead to permanent
depending
Replace the word
dependence
 on other
countries
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 developing
countries
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 generally
know
Verb problem
have
show examples
 less knowledge to make
money
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 on their own.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is true that these unwealthy
countries
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 are able to decide how to spend
money
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 by themselves. In general, what each country should strengthen varies by using
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may find the best way to boost their
economic
Replace the word
economy
 and the quality of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, just donating
money
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 may discourage
countries
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 which face bad
economy
Replace the word
economic
 conditions
to make
Change preposition
from making
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 a profit or
catch
Wrong verb form
catching
show examples
 up with other nations. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that they can meet financial demands.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 the idea that some
countries
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 give a hand
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other
countries
Use synonyms
 just by sending
money
Use synonyms
 has both advantages and disadvantages, I strongly agree with it because of
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 reasons.

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task response
Make your main answer very clear. Say in a direct way if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same idea in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two clear real examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and easier to believe.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. Some ideas are good, but they stop too soon and need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each body part. Some parts mix good and bad sides, so your line of thought is harder to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'in contrast', and 'moreover' should match the real meaning of the next sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make references clearer. For example, 'this', 'it', and 'these' should clearly point to one idea so the reader does not get lost.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening and ending, so the reader can see the full shape of your answer.
task response
You discuss both sides of the idea, which shows you understand the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
You try to organize the essay into clear parts with linking words.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
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