These days. too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine. rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a phenomenon nowadays that many
people
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choose to keep their body healthy by seeing doctors or taking medicine,
instead
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of follow healthy life routine. I highly agree with
this
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statement since I am one of
this
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kind, and I
also
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have seen a lot of these examples in my life. As medical science keeps developing, humans have had many treatments towards different illnesses, which has had a positive impact, that human is not that threaten by illnesses as they used to be. But at the same time, exactly because of
this
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,
people
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have become less vigilant in terms of their health. They believe that when they get ill, they can simply go to the hospital to fix it or use medicine to maintain their life.
As a result
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, many
people
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do not see following a healthy lifestyle as important because there are solutions when it comes to the bad situation.
Also
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, keeping a healthy lifestyle needs more willpower since you need to eat healthy and take exercise regularly, which might not include that much fun. The example of my friend gave me a clearer view of
this
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phenomenon. Over the course of several years, he always failed to eat on time, which led to his digestive system becoming severely damaged. Eventually,
this
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resulted in the removal of his gallbladder. There are
also
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examples from what I know in Korea, many
people
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do not sleep long enough;
instead
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of increasing their sleep time, they choose to use health products
such
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as Ginseng to counteract the negative effects from lack of sleep.
Overall
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, I think it is true that there are many
people
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who,
instead
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of following a good lifestyle, are more willing to choose the medical system to keep them healthy, because it is easier than following routines like eating healthy or exercising. The developments in medical treatments
also
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give them faith in treating the consequence from their bad living habits.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so each sentence flows well to the next one.
task achievement
Explain your examples more so they fully support your point.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly by saying how far you agree in each main part.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task achievement
Your essay stays on the topic and gives real examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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