IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People buy good products that work, therefore, advertising is unnecessary and is no more than a form of entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 modern era where technology is increasing rapidly, there is
also
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 climbing the demand for new
products
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. Several businesses are adop trend of advertising to raise awareness among the population. Some believe that advertising is only for entertainment , and it is useless to keep promoting different
products
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion. In the following paragraphs, I will present my point of view.
To begin
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 with, promoting an item is the way to give knowledge about a new product, which encourages people to think or make up their minds to purchase.
For example
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, various companies are introducing smartphones.
Such
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 as Nokia, Samsung or Hawaii , etc. There are different features , and all are unique. Consumers have to get knowledge first about what their requirements are,like a smart camera, enough storage or REM. It is only possible if companies promote their product.
On the other hand
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, some businesses keep introducing their
products
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 through entertainment channels, like cooking shows. Chefs invest in competitions among those individuals who are keen on cooking.
For instance
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, in materchief or in Millie's cooking competition.In these types of shows , organizations promoting their cuisines, through which the public comes to know about them, and in curiosity, they consume different cuisines. It makes the business grow.
However
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, I would say promotions play an important role in creating consumers' minds to sell their goods, and keep introducing their new
products
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 to them. Some make it possible via banners or by creating short videos on different platforms. Advertising is itself a big sector, where multiple companies are making huge money because of advertising goods for various businesses.
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that, to give knowledge about a new item to the public , there is only one way , which is called advertising. It can be possible through entertainment shows, banners or shorts vedios.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from start to end. You say you strongly agree, but one body part shows why advertising is useful, so your position feels mixed.
task response
Answer the exact question more directly. The task asks if advertising is unnecessary and only entertainment. You should explain both ideas in a more direct way.
task response
Give examples that fit better. Some examples are too general or not fully explained, so they do not strongly support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. Some parts change direction, so the essay is harder to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words like first, also, however, and so. Some sentences do not connect well.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point step by step. Say the point, explain it, then give an example, then show why it matters.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You try to give examples about phones, cooking shows, and online videos.
task response
You show a clear personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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