One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages.

In
this
day and age, it is thought that developed medical service helps people live longer and increase life expectancy. Despite the demerits, I still side with the merits of social situation and both sides will be mentioned in
this
essay. On the one hand, there are two drawbacks to improving medical care.
To begin
with, it can be extremely pricey, which will increase the
overall
cost of healthcare.
As a result
, lacking public funds leads to the issue that the community will not have enough resources in order to maintain operations.
In addition
, another disadvantage is that it contributes to population growth, which gives rise to strained materials
such
as water, food and housing.
On the other hand
, I firmly hold the view that upgrading health care has many perks.
Firstly
, cutting-edge technologies will promote the quality of life of the young generation, who certainly become the main workforce in the future.
Therefore
, it significantly boosts the nation's economy.
Furthermore
, elder people have an extended lifetime with their family and cousins.
This
results in the fact that it rockets the pleasure in society and mitigates a crime.
To sum up
, I restate my viewpoint that the advantageous side of
this
situation outweighs the disadvantageous one.
Submitted by hoangtrungmta94 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to bolster your arguments. For example, mention specific advanced medical technologies that have improved healthcare quality.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. You could use more transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structural framework for the essay.
task achievement
Your main points are logically presented and are generally well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • medical care
  • quality of life
  • manageable
  • curable
  • economic strain
  • aging population
  • social security
  • workforce challenges
  • sustainability
  • overpopulation
  • environmental issues
  • standards of living
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